just finished half of the type 1 diabetes PBL. wasnt as bad as i thought it would be, however i really hope id be able to remember everything i learnt. block 5-biochemistry and homeostasis is just crazy.
yesterday the dance ministry presented their 2nd item to the church, at easter combined service. it was good, loads of good response. thank God. But a long long way to go...someday ill write about my dreams. May they continue to be inspired by God himself, not myself.
im just sitting here, in cairncross's study room,thinking how strange life can get, sometimes. i feel, defeated. as if ive been made to think Im weak, inadequate and unworthy of so many things in life which are worth fighting for. over the months, ive leaned on the reason for my feeling ridiculous, more than i imagined. now that it is gone, ive come to realise how lost i am. how confused about msyelf, and the frustration it brings. Im frustrated over my situation, about msyelf, about my life. there seems to be so many valid reasons for me to get angry, yet i cant, in the name of "salvation". is this an emotional blackmail? its brutal. its cruel. and im made to feel i deserve it.
i wish i were angry, but im not.i cant.am i upset? i dun feel i can be. ive just reached my threshold potential, and i wont take it anymore. its shattering. its despair. nothing beats being being forced to kill hope.
though theres a small part of me which hopes what i wrote is out of pique, out of uncertainty. insanity perhaps. tell me, am i still sane..
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