since they left.... some fine day someone surprised me with 2 boxes (well half) of krispy kremes from london. sweet memories. thank you

oh a collection of my shoes they insisted haha

farewell at glasgow international airport after 13 days. we shall meet again on the 8th of june at changi airport!

them in my room! on the last day... sobz

haha the boys caught a birmingham vs manutd match while tony and i went to trafford centre. shopping is so good. but of course, london is the best!

red light district near moulin rouge

the basilique

strong winds and i could hardly row! i caused us to crash into breakwaters haha

we journeyed onto Versailles- took a RER out of paris.. its BEAUTIFUL. must go must go.... this palace has a super big garden that spans miles and miles, u cannot see the end. we went boat rowing as my brother was throwing his tantrum when joel refused

chic eh

the top of the eiffel. me and my dear brother

fountain in the tuileries in front of the musee de lourve - a must go!

musee de lourve...

keryew and i

London?? no!-paris:) on our first evening, keryew brought us to eat nutella crepes at the end of champs elysee street! its so so delicious!!!

this is the BEST spanish seafood paellas ive ever tasted.no! not in La Tasca.. but this small homerun restaurant in between piccadily circus and leceister square, london. Cafe Espana!!

i like this.haha

xiu and i. goodness i was sooooo red. get red easily on alcohol...nice underground bar with really good mojitos.crushed mint leaves!

madame tussauds. guess who???

london! i look awful.. and YES im greedy!!! my new fabv brand of cookies from covent garden

them eating fried mars bars!!!!

and then, the boys arrived in glasgow the next day.the start of hell and heaven haha.loads happenned when they came, sad sad events.. in my own personal life. but i guess, it marked a change as well:)

happy family

15th march 2006: jean's 21st birthday. nikki G and i celebrated with her at est est est italian restaurant.

poor little sarah tumbled off the hill. backside hurttt

thats me and chris tumbling off a slope. ouchhh

later on, chris, kenneth, poyi, ambika and I tried to build our own sleigh at kelvingrove park. failed terribly.

the next day..... it snowed in, transportation links were closed, airport was closed. no church. we played so much in the snow.. 15 inches?

courtesy of alfred tan

11th march 206: ambika tony kenneth chris. after jeans bdae party, it snowed like mad. we played in the snow.

saturday, 1.04am

Humility, if we could ever grow into it, would not be a burden. It would be an immense gift. Humility is the freedom to stop trying to be what we're not, or pretending to be what we're not, and accepting our "appropriate smallness." In luther's words, humility is the decision to "let God be God".
-John Ortberg

wednesday, 12pm

hey,
just want to say Im fine. i really am. you know... i might come across as a really depressed person on this blog.. trust me, i dont mean to and i dont want to. it's just i havent been very good at expressing myself in words these days. and due to some lack of avenue to let it all out, i talk to blog.
its just the not so happy things.
but most of the time, im eating, working hard, exercising, laughing, bumming, sleeping, shopping. so im rather normal.
Thank you for your concern amy jie, celisa dearest and my sweetest brother (the real one i mean!haha) and all who have expressed concern. i appreciate it, but i dont want u to worry. im cool.
its just another struggle. and celisa has come to a beautiful conclusion as to why i do. its between me and her=)

so yes,
ambika just welcomed me back to earth.
life is about type 2 diabetes
anatomy
"dance classrooms"
flat hunting madness
friends
and meeting my best one in the centre of all these.

18th April 2006, 1.30am- i really don't know

just finished half of the type 1 diabetes PBL. wasnt as bad as i thought it would be, however i really hope id be able to remember everything i learnt. block 5-biochemistry and homeostasis is just crazy.

yesterday the dance ministry presented their 2nd item to the church, at easter combined service. it was good, loads of good response. thank God. But a long long way to go...someday ill write about my dreams. May they continue to be inspired by God himself, not myself.

im just sitting here, in cairncross's study room,thinking how strange life can get, sometimes. i feel, defeated. as if ive been made to think Im weak, inadequate and unworthy of so many things in life which are worth fighting for. over the months, ive leaned on the reason for my feeling ridiculous, more than i imagined. now that it is gone, ive come to realise how lost i am. how confused about msyelf, and the frustration it brings. Im frustrated over my situation, about msyelf, about my life. there seems to be so many valid reasons for me to get angry, yet i cant, in the name of "salvation". is this an emotional blackmail? its brutal. its cruel. and im made to feel i deserve it.

i wish i were angry, but im not.i cant.am i upset? i dun feel i can be. ive just reached my threshold potential, and i wont take it anymore. its shattering. its despair. nothing beats being being forced to kill hope.

though theres a small part of me which hopes what i wrote is out of pique, out of uncertainty. insanity perhaps. tell me, am i still sane..

grey

"In the absence of hope,I need to lie in bed and feel that I might die today."

My day started off at 8.00 am. (by the way my phone goes off everyday at 8am due to a reminder that says "walk with God", sometimes, it really cuts into my precious sleep)
I shut the alarm and went back to sleep till 8.50am, when i woke up from a dream.
I was thirsty and needed the toilet, so i got up did what i needed to, set the alarm for 915am (cause i had to view a flat!), and went back to bed.
Got up at 915am, lazed till 924am, then finally decided i need to really get going.

got dressed for a day i thought was gonna be crazy.

left house at 10.25am, and walked to byres road.
1045am- i was outside clydesdale bank, alone. my future flatmates were late. again.
11am. Mr kohli (this landlord who owns 100 over flats in glasgow) brought us to his flat. cantoment, with refurbished interior.
asking for 900pcm for 3 people.
jeans hates the place. it has only 1 toilet, as he says all cantoment flats have.
the carpet was dirty. the stairway is dodgy.. all in all, we didnt like it.

we walked for 1.5 hours in the cold.
several miles.. trying to look for flats to let, taking down numbers, and dreaming of getting a nice flat.
it is a major decision.. moving in with people.
getting a comfortable place.
i realise the great need to pray and commit to God in this.

we went to club 500 for lunch.
jean and i managed to drag tony to church!! at 1.40pm. 10 min late.

it was a long service. with cool worship (singing songs we dun normally sing), and a powerful sermon by ashley. i thought to myself "God, you really have a sense of humour yeah? and yes you do answer my prayers."amen.

after service. i was half concussed.
went for dance. tried positioning in the main halls. spoke about costumes and all.

went home at 5.30pm.
lazed around with ambika. stoned.and cried. and talked.

ate left over duck for dinner.
showered. and im supposed to watch "House" in a few min.

Its the start of a new block tomorrow, and the final term for year one. its gonna be a lot of academic effort the next 2 months, all the way up to my finals. im a little nervous, but im quite excited to be doing PBLs again.

Im not excited about the coming week though because theres dance, which is wishy washy. im supposed to get a surprise from someone abt some new dance venue, but ah dons not telling yet. still, im not excited. ive got choreography to think about, costumes to settle, music to cut. lyrics to translate. dancers to speak to.ive got so many ambitions and dreams and things that weigh my heart down. but i dunno how i can share it with them.

Im really tired. My brain feels fried and overheated.
the past 1 year has been too eventful.
there are just too many things that hurt my heart, and I dunno when i will ever feel its not hurting again. its just so many issues between me and my Lord, issues which only He knows. i wish it were simple black and white, bread and butter stuff, itd be easier. why is life so difficult sometimes?

i can answer that. because Jesus never promised that the christian life is smooth sailing and we'd get what we want all the time.But He promises He'd be there.

i think i should not question "why". sometimes, there are no direct answers to life's struggles. The Lord is just too mysterious, too powerful, His ways are above ours. He gives and He takes away, yet Job said "Blessed be the name of the Lord."
what faith, what love, what strength of character. my lips have said so, but why is my heart struggling? my mind feels as if it needs to haggle with God. it has no peace. am i wrong?

can you ever love again?

a fork stuck in the road.
a faded photo in a broken frame.
the blues play over the radio.
the good old times.
a lingering ghost,
a shadow of regret and guilt,
a place, a place, a place...

will Mcdreamy's throne be usurped?

stay tuned.

in tune with Jesus.

Yo Quieros Bailar!

"Guajira! I Love you too much!"
I love dancing. I love it to bits.
It's the one passion I have that has never died, and has been growing stronger as i age.

BUT, it's not working...
inspiration for easter dance= 0

been watching DVDs, dancing in the room every night with sista ambika, recalling previous dance steps.. thinking of random steps...
ive played the song over and over tonight..
but choreographed nothing.

and the frustration is irritating me. so much.

i know the style of dance i want..
i envision certain moves, and i see a certain kind of power..
but something is not right.
it's just not working!!

me= that's not right.
my walk. my life. my messed up perceptions and character.