JOY

Let Your spirit come
Let Your will be done
Let Your presence fall on me
Christ You set me free
You are my liberty
Let Your presence fall on me

Let the power of the Holy Ghost fall in this place
Come and change my heart, renew me
with Your mercy and Your grace
Let the love of Christ surround me
come closer to my side

my newest favourite song-"Everythings gonna be alright" by Vicki Winans.
I had a really good end of block 1 break. Finally, a time to breathe, a time to be by myself and let God speak to me. how gently He's spirit moved and touched me. I melted.

it's been 2 months now, and 30 more days to being home again.
Life has been eventful and enriching. Ive been doing things i wouldnt have been able to do if i was in singapore studying. Ive had wonderful experiences with people, Ive learnt to get along with a wider variety of personalities. Ive had my share fair of fun, and more to come i believe. But, it has not been smooth. There have been times of trials and difficulties, that really demanded so much from me- mentally, emotionally, physically.

do not be deceived by what you read here, or rather, i chose not to write so much because a huge audience reads this now. hah. but all for God's glory, now.
weiyao and i were talking about God and our walks on monday, and i said i felt empty."is it a God-shaped vacuum?". truly it is... there have been so many nights that ive laid in bed yearning for God to fill that empty space. Ive tried means and ways, subconscously, to fill this space with activities at church, with work even, with food, with friends. But i know, i know, that none can satisfy me but God. my God. my saviour, my provider, my Dad and King.

at cell group last friday i was asked "what do you want in life?". my reply:"I want to be.. where God wants me to be..."sam aaron went on about how he was impressed by a 19 year old. But i searched deeper and tried "dissecting" myself. why did i say that? i guess, such an answer can only come from a soul that has been broken and hurt, and wants something more than things of this earth. or maybe, it really is God-shaped.

the difficulty is in resolving my needs and desires between this vacuum. and i think it will be a permanent struggle. we all atruggle right? if u get what i mean.

whatever, after the amazing weekend, i managed to settle my thoughts and get my life back in a proper, more God-honouring state. i dunno how despite the business. But i must say God has been good. Only His grace and mercy can change my heart and bring it back to look upon Him. there need not be anything happening, but just a quiet, gentle, soothing spirit that moves me. In the quiet, in the hectic times, in confusion, in a foreign land, God moves, His spirit moves.

I just want to say that, i have been far away from Him. my walk has been like a sine wave. ive expereinced His goodness, a "high" even, but yet there have been times when i CHOOSE to stray. to place Him below my own needs and wants. though i havent done anything bad bad. sinful, there will always be this void for Him to fill. Life is incomplete without Him. Yet despite me choosing time over time to stray, to be intraspective, just a simple, 1% cry out to Him, He gave me 100% fufilment.He reached out from afar to bind me with His love. to tell me that He really loves me.

and loving me means He will always have the best for me. That He will provide for me. That He will take good care of me. I may not always be happy and bouncy but I will be complete. isnt that enough?

indeed "joy is not the abscence of pain in our lives, but it is having the presence of God."

maybe if you were tired and disappointed some day, try giving God a shout. even if you dun feel like it, or doubt it would work, give it a try. a little try. and Im sure our greater God will take it from there and return to us with even more than we can imagine. its like, giving Him a chance kinda? i know what ive been saying may not be theologically right.. but i do know that, and all who have "given Him a chance" will understand, that Faith is worth more than a fighting chance. at the end, its more like giving ourselves a chance, to be with the ONLY one who can love us perfectly.

and love yearns to be shared. i hope all who read this will know that love exists, and yes to my mum and dad i miss u and love you very much. and my cousins, grandparents, gugu, guzhang, and dearest friends at home-ure on my mind.take care.