The Fist

Playgrounds- emtpty or with children everywhere, brings me back in time.

Today, i was walking back from gartnavel hospital, through Hyndland, and i passed the playground a few streets behind chancellor's. the sun was out, not too glaring, just bright enough. i saw the children playing so happily, so carefree, so joyful and i thought to myself,
"those were the days, free of pain and troubles.."

i remember what 5pm was like in singapore, when i was in primary school.
i would use to have tuition till 3, and ill study till then, and my siblings and i would beg mummy or grandma, to take us out to the park to cycle.

there was once, the roads outside my house had some renovation work going on. mummy told me not to cycle to the sandy area. but i, somehow, thought i would be fine and i went ahead cycling there. before i knew it, i was falling over my bike. i cut my knee really badly, it split opened revelaing flesh and loads of fresh, red blood. i remember crying so much, i didnt even feel that much pain. mummy took me back home, by my hand, and cleaned my wound.
today, the scar remains. its a sensitive spot, when touched, would send tinggling sensations down my leg..

ive always been a stubborn girl, even when i know i might possibly fall. i never thought the fall would be too hard.

i don't know what i think about falls anymore. i dont feel sad, i just don't feel.

i miss those days as a child. the irony- i always wanted to be 21, when i was 12. because i thought i could have everything i want if i were 21. i could be old and in control of my life, and be stable. and life should be stable.. settled.. maybe not. i guess, i was naive- i can never be in control of many things in my life though i try hard. too hard, sometimes. too stubborn sarah...
i don't own me.
maybe, just maybe and hopefully, 25. please?