The Answer(s)

It started with the call. I wasn't really expecting it, to be honest. But it was good. CM said many things-jokes, casual stuff, snort-ed *oinK* even, but there was one thing CM said that made me realise...that everything was under Control. i had been anxious, and i did feel lost about everything. I felt that i was trying hard to make things better, to read people, to read the situation. But all i could see before me was a haze. my life had lacked clarity.

and to confess, i felt "unloved, unwanted, undesired."

That afternoon, i thought we were drowning on dry land. I poured it all out to God, because i didnt know where else i could go to. or rather, i didnt want to go anywhere.

That night, my answers came.

im truly thankful for the strength offered by CM, but there was something more than just it.

The Lord reinforced something valuable i needed, we all need to know.



Our core validation needs to come from God. Because no one can give us enough to fill those spaces inside, and there will always be spaces and questions we want answers to. and if we were looking to the wrong places to get all these, it makes things, relationships, our lives, really messsy..it hurts people we love, it hurts ourselves--There's a limit to what this world can offer.



"A woman once said, "I still feel useless. I am not a woman. I do not have a man. I have failed to captivate someone." The ache is real. but the verdict is false. Only God can tell you who you are. Only God can speak the answer you need to hear. In love, we can bring such joy and healing as we offer one another our strength and beauty. But our core validation has to come from God."- John eldredgem, captivating



and i believe the same goes for masculinity. a woman can offer him so much- be his ezer, his companion, his inspiration, but she cannot be the validation of his soul. we all need to take our question to Him.



i guess, this is one big lesson I have learnt over the years. You know, its hard to do so sometimes, because so many things in this world point us in other directions- our looks, being popular, being cool, being "accepted" by society, driving big cars, needing to portray an image of being "in", being powerful and smart, being in authority, being happy and loved, being seen as able to cope with everyting... all that... ive been there, some of them. really, and i know its so tempting sometimes. but all i can say at the end of these, is that its "fake". everyone is hiding behind a little mask. trying so hard to please, trying so hard to fill spaces and questions inside us.

and we are tired. so tired. and lonely.



no want likes to admit they are lonely, no want likes to admit that they have tried and failed, no one likes to admit they are struggling, no one likes to ask for love. no one likes to appear weak.

but there's nothing wrong in being who we were made to be.



i wish, we could be more sensitive to the needs of those around us, we could be accepting and embracing when someone asks for help. when someone indirectly asks for love- even when they try so hard to grasp our attention through silly things. I wish, we would all learn to be vulnerable, to ask for things we desperately need. to show we need love. maybe then, people would really be more joyful. Trust.



Ask Him. Because He is always there. If you believe that life and destiny have all been planned for, and He holds the key to all mysteries, then i guess the wisest thing to do is to turn to Him.

we bang our hopes on time, time will heal all wounds, time will change things, time will do this and that.... couldnt time be a device invented by man, inspired by God, to bring more order and structure into things? isnt time in His hands



This are what comfort me and bring me hope.That in Christ, who has loved us with an everlasting love, i have hope that my life can be better. even more so, the lives of people dear to me, can be better. i truly want that, and i take these to the Lord in prayer, everyday.



so ive decided to add 1 more item to my list of banned complaints:

1) "Im so sad...."

2) "Im growing fat!....."

3) "im unloved and unwanted and undesired..."- utter rubbish and any person would be able to oppose that, but do we really know? do we really believe? get to the core of it, believe and you shall see.