Let our words be few

something happened today, that woke me up from my december spell.
i was traumatized by the possible grave consequences of my impulsive and ungodly decision, ashamed by my vanity and obsession, alarmed at how disillusioned i was by our love, terrified, stressed, desperate. i suffered humiliation-prob the price i had to pay for my mistake-which i rather would over a head that can never face my Father again, or myself. it took me this much to learn that biblical principle.
so tough, so awful so shameful. haiz. but mercy flows from His throne, and your grace still amazes me. now that its over and come to past, i am left but the bittersweet aftermath-thank you for saving me and giving me the 2nd chance.

I'm leaving singapore in 1 weeks time, for a long 6 month. twice the amount of time im gonna be away from home. i tried thinking about leavin home from my parents point of view-and suddenly, finally, i felt sad. it hurts me to think about my mummy crying, and my dad feeling so sad-im a daddy's girl and i love him terribly.
it hurts me again when i have never told them about my future plans and desires (perhpas)?i feel so selfish.

is it right of me to think of building my future elsewhere, when they had sent me overseas to give me an education i always wanted, with the expectation and hope i would return for good after 5 years. am i selfish?

No. don't answer me. i dun want an assurance from anyone else but God and myself. I guess i cant get the assurance from anywhere else. Maybe i already know the answer to my question... its deep down in my heart, if only i had the courage to face it.

i know we all have to leave our parents some day. i know some of us believe that parents owe their children an tertiary education. some do not. its quite true-they didnt have to pay a freaking half a mil.its not their obligation. but mine did.
my heart is heavy....
i never thought id leave them, this soon.
the start of my undergraduate studies overseas, marked the beginning of my new life as an adult.

a little fearful of the new year as i think about what might happen.
things beyond my control, beyond my prediction and imagination. must i always take risks? are risks part of every important decision in life? maybe-i dare not think any harder. guess, its my choice.

Your Grace Still Amazes me
My faithful father, enduring friend
your tender mercy's like a river with no end
it overwhelms me, covers my sin
each time i come into your presence
i stand in wonder once again

its deeper its wider its stronger its higher
than anything my eyes can see.

sarah needs to be true-er to herself and in what she believes in.

Let them praise His name with dancing and make music to him with tambourine and harp.
Psalm 149:3

Your grace still amazes meYour love is still am mystery
each day i fall on my knees
cause your grace still amazes me
your grace still amazes me...

oh patient saviour you make me whole
you are the suthor and the healer of my soul
what can i give you
Lord what can i say?
I know there's no way to repay you
only to offer you my praise