back

YEAY, im taking a break, to blog- is this a waste of time? sigh, nvm.
Ive been so so busy and TIRED.
Just cant narrate to you how PHYSICALLY and mentally exhausted ive been.

for the past 2 weeks, ive been running around hopsitals.
the first week was bad- AH in the morning and mount e. in the afternoons.
stand stand stand, learn learn learn. brain being pushed to work harder than usual:(
now, ambika and i are getting down into the heartland-surveying door to door.i speak mandarin 70% of the time. and its HARD to explain accurately medical conditions.
all of kinds of people we met-nice kind uncles, demented ah pos, frantic housewives, fussy working women. rather amusing.
however, the research sample size is 1000- GOD,please help us.
oh, yes, ambika and i are working on a paper-opthalmology-blindness and AMD (age-related macular degeneration) on smoking behaviour (in layman terms).

6 weeks! for data collection, tabulation, analysis, writing of paper... i dun think we can finish!

so does it mean my DREAM to return to cambodia has been busted?

im lookign out for signs...but i guess even if i manage to complete all my tasks by mid agugust. my daddy wun release me to the mission fields. ud understand why if youve known me well and long enough.

been sitting on it for the past 1 week, havent prayed enough i confess.
its time to pluck up some courage and face up to it. i have yet to bring it up to discussion with my family. guess, id pray and intercede hard before that, but if things dun work out the way i hope they would, i know God has better plans, as He always has.
then again, missions is my heart and my passion!it just gives me so much joy, and purpose living tt life!
well.. we'll see.

been a maid for my family as well. our new maid has yet to arrive. and all of us ahve been working our butts off. im officially the ironing woman and floor cleaning person. 7 peoples clothes to iron and many many rooms to clean. -im not complaining-
i think id be doing tt quite a bit when ive got my own place next acad yr!

i owe many people many meetings.. charlene & clara, YJ and derek, selene and ed,patricia, 409, 3G, my sue cha cha, hanling...felt bad for turning them down many times, but schedules been too tight, and i need some personal space!

saw big g off yesterday. we had dinner with most of the glasgow peeps in singapore.
it was nice, seeing everyone again. but nice is all i feel, as compared to me meeting the YAMmers. mixed with the nice-ness is this bittersweet familiarity, which causes my mind to drift to things of the past. im shakened, even feel threatened and vulnerable when i meet them. lost. it shouldnt have been this way, but i made mistakes.i guess, it was a fall that was almost too hard to bear.

im turning 20 soon.
finally, the big 2.
those who have been here several years ago (haha!), will prob think its no big deal.
yeah, maybe it isnt.
but i think it isnt a coincidence that my life was shaped in such a way, tt before i turn 20, im made to think real hard and LONG about what ive done in the past 5 years, and what i might be destined to do in the future.
i cant figure out the exact details, and i would like to sit back, relax, and take things as they come.
yup, some things can be handled this way.
but some cant.
there's too much out there to achieve while im young-personal opinion.
not only in terms of my professional development-yeah doing such research and medical attachments etc.
but like wingyee mentioned, a certain aptitude and altitude in me-as a person.
learning to communicate with all sorts of people, and not just on a hi-bye level, but to possibly enter their world, understand them, speak to them, and share with them.
to develop skills, independence, maturity, kindness, purity.
to travel, to see the world and all sorts of cultures, to learn to live amongst such.
to do all the things i always wanted to do but never had the chance-

work in an african orphange for a while (months)
sail on a missionary ship
visit the highlands
enter a latin dance competition
do a formal surgery before i graduate from med sch haha
diving
climb K2
visit the backstreet alleys in the states and learn dance from em!
set up a dance school for delinquents
hold an evangelistic music and drama concert in glasgow
work in chinawhite. haha.

and i feel im still at base camp yeah?
may God endorse them and walk with me to fulfil these dreams.
i;ve got a feeling, im gonna be surprised. big time.