and soon we will see sunshine after the rain

the past 72 hours have been the most eventful, stressful and painful times in my 2 month period in Glasgow. i was brought on an emotional, mental and spiritual ride that changed my life.

if you knew the full account of the story, you would agree its complexed and messy, you would also see the depth of the struggle all of us had to go through, but for now, bear with me and keep your judgements to yourself, as i try to paint you the brighter side of the story, because i want people to know, God is amazing.

Glasgow Chinese Christian Church invited Graham and Su and another Godly couple to conduct a series of workshops for us this weekend. i think they are from australia, yes they are. and they've been travelling lots to singapore, malaysia and the UK to serve the Lord. kinda missionaries i think. Graham has the gift of prophecy, and he prophecised to a couple of people at our retreat last year. having heard so much about him, i decided to make an appointment to see them too-yesterday evening. i realise, i was searching and seekin for something deeper, thats why i made this decision. i mean, prophecy can be quite daunting, no one would wanna get themselves in it "just for fun"?

yup, so many more events had took place before sunday afternoon, but my session with graham and friends was what marked the turning pount in my life, so id like to share it with you. i was so drained mentally and emotionally after friday and saturday, and the little things that happened throughout the week.I didnt know what to expect from the prayer session, in fact i was apprehensive and disappointed by the way things had turned out. i truly am.

Graham prayed with and for me, and asked God to give him the wisdom to speak into my life. And i believe God did.

with all i rememeber, and my very best in re-iterating:
"You have set your foot into areas where God was so real and good,prayer, worship. You have seen and tasted and know its goodness, but only for a little while, you step out and move into something else. You are like a child in a sea, seeking for God, but sometimes you stray and move into something else which u want to explore though you know it isnt the correct path. But its okay, because God allowed it. But now is the time, when God wants to pour out His fullness into your life. He wants to bring you into a place where You will be abe to experience Him to the fullest, and You will run after Him... i believe, its the Holy Spirit God wants to give."

It is true.
I had been running toward God, seeking for somethng deeper in my relationship with Him. I have had glimpses of my future serving Him, especially missions. But somehow, i chose to be distracted by other things, ive strayed from my first love. and it hurt me, because they was always this sadness in my heart i couldnt quite explain. But God is so forgiving, He allowed the wall in my heart to be broken down, he led me to the place of utter brokenness before Him, so i can find release. and gain even so much more than what i had expected.

in less than 5min, i found myself praying to receive the baptism of the Holy Spirit.
this was the 3rd invitation i had received by 3 random, non related people in 2 days. yes, it is scary. i was afraid because it seem all so daunting. speaking in tongues? water, wind, fire? all words that were associated with it were so strong, too strong for my gentle spirit, so i thought. But this was what i wanted. i knew it. for how long, ive been wanted to be filled with that sort of power and confidence from on high, to be convicted with the depth of Jesus's love for me, not just knwoing the bible, not just knowing it all in my heart, but be so touched and empowered with that Love. i was really afriad, but i decided to give myself a chance, i guess it involved trusting God to magnify that little bit of desire in me, despite the immense fear.

and yes,it all happened.

i choose to believe the Holy Spirit worked in me in a gentle way. yes, my voice toward heaven was opened and i truly thank God for it. but more so, it was a change that took place deep in my soul. it's not just a feeling. its more than that. its a new kind of trust and rejuvenation.ive received this gift, because God is gracious. the evidence was there, i cant wait for so much more to be unleashed in the rest of the days.

"God will bring you to a place of teaching. You will teach and people will come to you. He will empower you to minister to them through His word, and you will minister to them and encourage them as you speak truth into their lives."- this is something which i do not see now, but i will hold on so dearly too. i know there are so many cell group leaders keeping me accountable. someday, when we look back, i hope to say that God is a faithful God who keeps His promises. oh, and the one word that kept appearing in my head was missions.

there is no turning back for me now, i have crossed over to the other side (Mark 4:35, another divine "coincidence" which i will share with you if u ask me). all i want to do now is run toward jesus, my first love. There is so much more He will show me! Im excited!

really, it was so difficult and painful to reach the decision of 1)letting go 2)choosing "no choice" as a choice

But i know this is what i should do, and it is something which i want to as well. God's will is so clear for us at this point in time. and im glad that we all have the maturity and obedience to accept it. im blessed to have graham and su come into our lives at this point in time, and 6 cell group couples praying over all of us, keeping us accountable. I dare say, this fellowship we share in glasgow is so authentic, and i believe it will touch people in a deeper way. He;s really so good.How can i not love a God like that? How can i not choose Him above all and run toward Him... its impossible.

"we do not know what to do, but our eyes are upon you...."-2 chronicles 20:12b.

we do not know what the future holds, but we know God is with us, He is for us. Who can be against us? He will show all of us the best for us, and i know we will be special people serving Him mightily in the days to come. that thought itself makes me smile. It wouldn be easy, but neither will it be too difficult. His grace is sufficient for us!

so refreshing, so good. come like the rushing wind and fill us from within.

thank You God.