Be my One and Only

2007-08-03T12:44:00.000Z

Goodbye blog, Goodbye girl.
3 years flew by in a twinkle of an eye.
Oh, indeed through the roses and the thorns, we grow.
only through strain that we gain strength.
We've been lingering too long here in this state of limbo, though too long,
but at least we took all the time we need.
A new season, a new colour, a new pasture, a new woman.
goodBye girl, thank you for the wonderful memories of a very vibrant youth.
Hello journal, hello prayer.

the new season

2007-07-18T14:50:00.000Z

"Truth is in what you believe, not in what you see"

many things cannot be expressed by mere words alone, the truth, its so vast.
i cant quite fully comprehend still and may never will. So better it is to keep it hidden in the heart, untainted by what is seen. truth, is in believing, till it unfolds itself.

May the joy of the Lord be our strength,
as we place our hopes in Him,
He is faithful.
He is faithful.
And this knowledge is enough for me

I believe in you

2007-07-18T14:22:00.000Z

we went running at the canal and dad took the dog too.
look at those eye bags- im ageing :(
but young at heart always right? *kambateh!*

2007-07-18T14:10:00.000Z

mama and yani gave our dog a bath- aint he lovely? *PAW*
david and gang on the search for measuring tapes- hosp use. we finally found it at marine parade market! the supposed VJ hang out place.

guess what we saw??? all the biscuits we ate when we were little kids :) i love those with icing on top :) makes me real happy

I will Sing

2007-07-09T08:28:00.000Z

Having not receive consent from mum and dad for a long term mission trip this summer, and also from the Grandmaster above, I took on a relief teaching contract for the next 2 months.
A teacher at BDS is on maternity leave. I thought i hated teaching, detested the idea for a long time even before i was approached. I dont know what happened, i jsut said "yes" at that moment. Maybe it was compassion, maybe it was the inability to say "no", definately was meant to be.

I started work today. It was peaceful, depsite the workload- having to prepare lessons and the commitment to sacrifice every morning. I am at peace, and am thankful for that. A friend reminded me days ago that It could be the "mission field" God has called me to for this season. since then ive been remembering to "work as if working for the Lord", hence the peace. i wanted to work with younger children, but i guess they are still kids- sorta, just 15 years old.

it's been a short, but difficult year.
its now, that ive found some courage to speak about it.
it was tough, almost stiffling, always struggling. sometimes, when looking back, i find myself tempted to let the regrets and the unanswered questions and the bad memories overwhelm me. But i realised, that its too silly to slip into states of self pity and pinning. i lose myself, and only myself to lost.
it results, in fact it is, sin.
undermining the sovereignity of God's will and doubting His goodness.

dying to one's desires, to oneself- is the greatest challenge before those who call Him Father,
its true tt trials and tests build one's character, they say " you'll become stronger at the end.."- the exact i didnt want to hear when i was going through the valley. Now that the mist before me has cleared a little, i still do not agree that its the best comfort line to be used, but i realise that the strength we gain from trials is not tt to further boost our ego, nor to add to our sense of self-worth; neither should it be.
that strength is the tenacity to walk forward in the christian faith- the path we can only chose for ourselves. having known and tasted the pains, yet still choose.
It reveals the person who we really are- imperfect and ugly, rebellious and proud, a person, a child, in need of a saviour.

ideals- how often do they come into realisation?
circumstances change like the tides,
ashes to ashes, dust to dust,
many things crumble with the wind
nothing is ever as real as we think they can be- except spiritual real-ness
trust- can i even trust myself?
we are only truly free, in His will.

im not bitter, because our Lord Jesus was not, yet He hoped in the Father who has the power to change people and circumstances.
Im still learning much about the life we are called to lead, the person i was meant to be. still learning to obedience the hard way.

faith- its not the experience, the "high", the moment we seek, but the Person, our source. its the living everyday by the rules of submission, and everyday choosing, living out that vow of commitment. circumstances, victories, glories and bonds fade, but only the one true God remains.

for this season: singlehood, submission, servanthood, rest.
may it be for all seasons: the everlasting debt to love

2007-07-02T16:15:00.000Z

orchard mrt hang out photo madness, again

2007-06-30T16:12:00.000Z

i need some reminder about the good old days

"kathy"
"ERM okay" -BS

2007-06-30T16:05:00.000Z

i found totoro big monster toy!!!! :) at the basement of raffles city..
Bedok INterchange Hawker Centre hang out- how cool. hahahaha

my darling likes to eat egg tart, so i had to compromise.. :( :)

2007-06-30T13:27:00.000Z

2007-06-28T04:59:00.000Z

"To live is Christ, To die is gain." - Phillippians 1:21
"For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.”- Matthew 16:25

Not to run away from it, nor desensitise by using other means.
Not to deliberately forget and pretend it never happened.
Not to devalue its worth but to recognise the beauty and glory of it.
Not to find excuses to justify its end,
But to submit it to christ.

to die to our desires, is perfect submission, perfect oneness with Christ.
there, shall no more questions be asked, no more worries about tomorrow, and no more regrets about yesterday.
it doesnt matter, HE knows.

Ayr, Scotland

2007-06-28T04:53:00.000Z

After the OSCEs, Mohammed drove Jess and I up to Ayr. We were quite pleased with our performance you see.. we went to this rocky beach, with an abandoned castle..it was pretty! green grass, and rocks scattered in white sand and sea water. we were in heels, and had to climb.. haha quite an experience. Mo let me drove his Merc!!! and has inspired me since to take up driving lessons... :)

electric brae- some optical illusion place. where u feel like ure going downhill or uphill when ure actually travelling in the opposite direction.

my fav pic- i climbed up some rocks :)

Im Home

2007-06-21T09:35:00.000Z

a singapore flag carrying helicopter flew by- NDP rehearsal i guess. its tt time of the yr.

2007-06-21T09:26:00.000Z

my first meal in singapore! we went to Lagoon for singapore food! had loads of stuff:)

my favourite BBQ stingray!!!

mei: looks like some hawker aunty haha!

my brother- the real one. havent seen him in 9 months! say cheez to mutton satay!

delayed photos from ten thousand minutes ago!

2007-06-21T09:17:00.000Z

marian came over from france- amb's sec sch friend. like one week before the exams. one night, i brought over Ben and Jerry's "Chocolate therapy" and some cajun oven-baked fries for them!
some sort of therapy it seems...
but i dont really like this flavour, dont like the pudding :( i love "Oh My Apple Pie!" its the best. miss those days having it with cheesecake and whatever....

FREAK

we went for dinner at a belgium bar/pub place at Ashton Lane. i hate mussels, which i only managed to finish 1/3. too huge! Mussel Inn has better!
Marian and Ommenah

2007-06-21T09:09:00.000Z

june 5th- we went over to the girls' for OSCE practice. they cooked us curry and prata! thank you! yao was there too. monkey!
i had no idea the 2 girls were bimbotic.
NORA NORA!
they went to alton towers and the girls came back with char siew soh (my fav dim sum!!!) for us! thank u phuiyee for driving over..:)

exam food= instant noodles (koka is quite nice)

2007-06-21T08:54:00.000Z

new creation: pasta with avocado and beef, peppers and red pesto!
2 weeks before the exams- the stuff tt keeps me going on the 5th floor of the SL
met up with nora sometime to chit chat and pray- the secrets of sisterhood:)

my lifeline

2007-06-21T08:38:00.000Z

veggie delite!- tts unfortunately my fav subway sandwich. haha.
monstrous!!!!- reminds me of tortoro!
The brothers cooked! more specifically CJ and Teng! so touched by them, always nagging at me to eat, and sleep, and bringing me food! thank you bros!
ah neh!
act cool only

Major transformation Needed

2007-06-12T21:21:00.000Z

"God did not send Jesus to this earth to die so that women could get over their self-esteem problem and feel better about themselves. No, He sent his Son to die to rescue us from our sinful, futile quest for physical beauty and to reveal to us the satisfaction that comes from knowing God—whether we are beautiful or not!

What freedom and hope is found in Christ! We don’t need to feel beautiful about ourselves to find happiness! In fact, we’re better off not even thinking about ourselves. Rather, God has offered us in Jesus Christ forgiveness, hope, freedom from sin and a joy that never ends. "

taken from http://girltalk.blogs.com >> this is NO typical gossipy girl talk "women-rule-we hate guys" blog, its about service and humility. GO find out for yourself!

*whoah super power*
but super harsh reality as well.
the "high life" ( i mean holy, not wordly) is like HIGH UP THERE and IM DOWN HERE.

BUT then again, there is no other better way is there? its really NO turning back.
NOt that its TT bad, but it really requires cleansing out almost everything im so used to?
I dont wanna scare myself or you, its NOT bad. in fact im very convinced it is the BEST route for any of us to take, it brings the most joy and satisfaction. It really is what truly matters in life.
keep moving, keep reflecting and listening to what Father has to teach us.. with His big big Grace, im sure we will get there together someday no matter how tough it may be

老鼠爱大米

2007-06-11T14:23:00.000Z

Totoro Totoro ~ "my Neighbour totoro" by Hayao Miyazaki :)
I remember watchin this in RGS they played it during some assembly, it was so shweeet :)
My favourite part is when Totoro opens his mouth wide and plays with mei..
Mei is so cute! she walks into bushes haha
Im going to watch "spirited away" after im done with the OSCEs yipee!

You Go Girl(s)

2007-06-06T00:43:00.000Z

The Lord has brought me growth in knowing , something i cannot regret, though there have been tmes i wished i never met . I have to give to the Lord regularly. I Live "present tense" more than ever before and have managed to overcome the plaguing desire to know if...

Ive told the Lord I want to be an obedient servant, and He shot back, "Are you willing to face grief and pain or whatever it takes for Me to make you that?" Even though I felt unable, I said, "What choice do I have? I know too much to drop the ball now. There's no turning back." Id be lying if I said I wasnt afraid. But He has brought me this far and already my joy is unspeakable.

- "Passion & Purity", Elisabeth Elliot

Im reaching for the highest goal, the highest calling, to be pure, holy, and righteous.
And i am afraid of the tougher days ahead. those days and months of breaking down the stubborn and ugly ways, those tears waiting to be shed, that heart waiting to be broken.
But hope keeps me moving and living..
Like silver that has to be passed through the hottest of flames to be refined, till He is pleased with His reflection in me.

Lesson 1:
"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight."
1 Peter 3:3-4

2007-06-03T00:18:00.000Z

-I miss you-

2007-05-30T19:59:00.000Z

Father,
please watch over mum and dad as they journey to Beijing. Grant them journey mercy, good health and safety throughout the trip. Also, please watch over the young and old at home and keep them well. Thank You :)
In Jesus's name,
Amen

美人魚快乐

2007-05-24T18:53:00.000Z

amidst the inner confusion and the tears over the months, I realised, I grew up...

1:15 AM

Lee: what I do to my children or any other people is out of christian love, more so for my own children
me: okay i understand im not angry... im not saying you all are wrong
Lee: My stress comes from my planning for my 3 children, taking care of my parents and wife and from my work too. Hope you appreciate
me: im just very stressed also, have to consider about helping u all save money, decent place, good environement i appreciate but i hope you all also understand tt im not having fun here, im also thinking of ways to do good to everyone... and repay you all...and its not easy. nobody;s life is easy
Lee: so we are even and same in the same boat
me: ill pray about it and see where God leads la. go do your work and dont worrie... God is with me ill only come out of all these more like Him
Lee: ok bye bye and take care sweety
me: I love you dad just remember that
Lee: ok
me: -hugz-
Lee: hug you too
me: hee send mummy a hug from me tonight byebye!

An accomodation issue, turned into a concern, into worry. A parent's love misintepreted as tryin to exert control. Inappropriate communication over time, led to a lack of understanding of both parties..till it exploded one evening.. :(

But, times have changed... that poignant little girl has learnt humility and compromise, and above all respect. It pierced my heart as i said all i said to my father...

over the months, Ive finally come to realise the deep love of parents for their child. I cant empathsie fully cause im not one myself. But suddenly, my views have changed. its as if the roles have changed.. No longer do i want to be that little daddy's girl who just asks and expects to receive whatever.

I dont want to cast my burdens on them, I dont want them to react according to MY life and my circumstances.. But i want to be strong and tough. I want my parents to lean on me for support. I want to be someone who encourages them in their walk with God, to help them see the beauty among the thorns in life... I want to take care of them and worry about them - make sure they are safe and well and happy above all.

Its pretty weird isnt it? esp when they are still funding my education and providing for some of my physical needs ")

G is right.. no one can and should ever turn against the hand that raised them up.. that love and care.. is so deep.

"We love because God first loved us"

In the last 1 month, I held on to God so tightly, more than ive ever had. And i know, i can write all these today because He has enabled me to. he has put His joy in my heart and it is better than being anywhere else in this world.

He is my hope for tomorrow and my strength. He is my maker, my deliverer, my fortress and my rock. In whom, I will never be shaken.

Through the storms that are hailing, I will ride the waves with Him, and let Him teach me His ways.

I will graciously accept His sovereign will for me and for those i care for, and I will graciously smile and make peace. for this is the love that Christ has called us to. No more grudges, no more being silly and sad- why should there be sadness?

Christ has risen and will come again to restore this world... Love is beautiful... God is all around this place, not only with me, but those who know Him. I know they are beautiful too...

What is lost, will be found!

though the sun shines today, but i know storms will always be near...

Yet what matters is that it still shines, and will ultimately be 7 times brighter..

That day,

"He will make her deserts like Eden,

her wastelands like the garden of the Lord

Joy and gladness will be found in her,

thanksgiving and the sound of singing."- Isaiah 51:3

*great big smile* as i continue to reflect on the lessons He wants me to learn, and commit to memory!

<<听妈妈的话别让她受伤想快快长大才能保护她>>- Jay Chou

http://youtube.com/watch?v=4cGWEPbYUtg

- Belated Mother's day pressie for you mum!

2007-05-22T22:50:00.000Z

some 2 weeks ago, space monkeys had an outing- our first! but in the end, more brothers joined us for a wonderful picnic and frisbee at the Botanics. Guess who are the 4 other monkeys?!?
thank God for the great weather, food and brothers.

2007-05-22T16:15:00.001Z

You are Ariel. You are beautiful but impaired. At times you are naïve. Still, your innocence and good heart make you sought after and loved.

2007-05-19T11:56:00.000Z

关怀方式

寂寞開在心事旁
隨手種一些傷感
不讓星星來窺探
找個沉默的夜晚

找個沉默的夜晚
不讓星星來窺探
隨手種一些傷感
寂寞開在心事旁

我的關懷方式是你無法察覺的悲涼
只能在你不經意時才鎖上我心房
你往常的親切友善
是我今生的遺憾
受傷後無悔的埋在不流露的臉上

"I am a mistake"

2007-05-18T22:55:00.000Z

2007-05-16T23:23:00.000Z

there are many things which i want to say, things, which are true.
but i know they are probably going to influence people in a less positive way, so its probably best left unspoken. 4 months and counting, thats how i lead my life... a melody unspoken.
This.... is

"its okay. just pray"- thats my chorus, over and over till im dried up inside.

2007-05-14T23:23:00.000Z

Talking to myself

2007-05-14T10:22:00.000Z

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, and He will make your paths straight"- Proverbs 3:5-6

the inner woman is fighting every single minute, it is tough, but i know at the pivotal moment, she will still be strong and peservere. because the Lord is good, Because He lives in her. Because She has, like many others, His ressurection power.

Keep remembering, meditate on it day and night till it gets deeply engrained in your heart, girl...

i want to be joyful every single second of the day, i really do

2007-05-11T00:19:00.000Z

"joy, is not the absence of pain, but having the Presence of God."

father, life is never easy, and sometimes, we lose sight of the things that matter most. many a times, we replace you with things we can see on earth. Help us then, with your grace.. to re-focus our goals and passions on You.
mAy our lives, and our entire being truly centre around You.
For those you love who are sitting for exams, please guide them and provide them with the capacity to do well. By your grace, it shall be done....

tHANK YoU LoRd, iN aDvANCe :)

2007-05-10T00:36:00.000Z

His mercies are new every morning
Great is His faithfulness!
His compassions are unfailing and everlasting..
so I shall wait, quietly,
for His salvation.
He will never disappoint anyone who's hope is in Him.

im the biggest fool of all

2007-05-07T22:49:00.000Z

:(
so I pray
the wind is howling outside like some crazy wolf.
the weather changes like everything. like moods. like people.

Im going to crawl into bed, read my fav book, fold some stars, and sleep.
under my nice covers.

"Lord, please keep us safe and warm tonight, and not let anyone fall ill before the exams. may your love bring us warmth. protect us throughout this windy week..."

still a fool.

With Love, To Jesus

2007-05-05T16:25:00.000Z

This is a crazy life.

Thursday
wake- 645am for work
walked 45 min to gartnavel hospital
start work 730am
told them i had to go off at 930am (haha)
sneaked to the the library, planted myself on the computers and did coursework for 6 whole hours, usng specialist texts and what have you. hope medical illustration has helped me scan the pics.
took the 430pm bus back to the western
gave tuition to the yr 1s till 630pm
home- knackered but completed courework anyway

Friday
wake 830am (almost late!) for PBL. almost wanted to miss it
after which went to morrisons.
bumped into max, gave him a ride home- i think i appeared too nice. its not good to be tooo generous sometimes, people get embarassed when they feel they have to return the favour
cooked THAI GREEN CURRY for the yr 3s with my new recipe! *high five*
230pm- started on my first PBl question.. fell asleep for 20 min on the sofa :(
4pm- left house for ACTION GROUP.
630pm- went back to SL to do PBl
1130pm- left for home.
1am- finished making fruit salad for today..
crashed

saturday
615am- wake for 7am work at the western
7-11am: being a successful vampire, drawing bloods from several dozens
came home, did some tidyin up. left for the Botanics for "space monkey" outing!
haha will post pictures soon and you can guess who's part of this 5-ver gang.
430pm- home... my calfs are dying. im SO tired. I really am....

Lessons Ive learnt:
1. being a witness for Christ Jesus is not just about saying the words and telling people they need the Lord. its about being a living testimony (it adds power to your words and is soooo influential), living as Christ were in you.

2. its not about getting what i need, or what i think the kingdom needs- but its sometimes, making yourself nothing and offering other services nothing to do with church to people. even if seems like they are "making use of you" . you get what i mean. theres a fine line between stupidity and humility. but be careful, what seems like foolishness to this world may not be so in the eyes of jesus.

3. love your patients and never demand you way around the wards. for even if you are in a commanding position, you need not BE superior like its "supposed" to be. You do not need power to be influential.

4. But work hard, measure yourself against the standards of God and not Man. competence is what gains people's trust in you, coupled with compassion and care. God strived excellence.

5. do not seek rewards for yourself, because if you do, youd be hurting when rejection finds you straight in your face. not once, not twice.... but even more. Seek First His kingdom and His righteousness, and all the rest will be given to you. Seek God. He's all we need in this life and forever. there is great joy in surrendering :)

6. if you must, excuse yourself and cry behind toilet doors. but when you do, allow only 5 min. "its not about me Jesus, its about you."

It's the road less taken, but i know He's love has never left you since yesteryears
It's a long and winding road, I hope you enjoy every twist and turn.

That Promise

2007-05-03T22:45:00.000Z

the flowers on Carfrae Street are really beautiful. I always stop by that house to enjoy them, even plucked one for babes sometime! its the right shade of purple :) so delicate, so lovely. Thank you lord, that you help me stop and smell the "roses" even though life is getting more and more busy. thank you for helping me find space to breathe in fresh air and new life. Im learning to value the time spent with you, learning to make it a priority. Indeed, it is in surrendering all to him, that true JOY and PEACE flows.

on the way to the gym, along kelvinway, i saw a little 3 yr old girl running after her own shadow. What a adorable sight! that innocence, vibrance and untainted beauty.. it seems almost like the perfect creation, masterpiece. here's a baby photo i found... so cute!!! *my cell leaders are having a baby in sept! its baby fever*

Babies, children... they have hardly any fears. They try to walk, they fall to their face, but they are up on their feet again.

as life experiences accumulates and this world influences us.. *bad bad*, we start to fear so much. Dont you think so?

fear of losing out

fear of being hurt

fear of letting go

fear of regret

fear of persecution

fear of disappointing and failing expectations

fear of people

fear of the past

fear of rejection

fear of weakness

and the list goes on.

We werent made to fear. if we need to, it should only be Father. everything else doesnt come from God, but the evil one.

We were made to be strong in Christ jesus.

Strong in His ressurection power.

let go, and let live..

For God works for the good of all who love Him.

For where your treasure is, there your heart will also be...

2007-05-02T23:09:00.000Z

As a man thinks in his *heart*, so is he.
Proverbs 23:7

Just say the word
Matthew 8:8

that road.

2007-05-02T00:26:00.000Z

coursework- non cardia gastric cancer
green curry with my new recipe!
guang Liang
The Lord Jesus
a bouquet of flowers
Tiredness
Endless Revision
Scary Summer
Phlebotomy
Accomodation
"kai shou"
saturday
that night sky by the beach
gym
*plaster*
new dance choreo
persevere in Prayer

thoughts, in random order.
i'm really tired.

God is BIG BIG BIGGER than Life!

2007-04-29T16:36:00.000Z

Now my heart's desire is to know You more
To be found in You and know as Yours
To possess by faith what I could not earn
All surpassing gift of righteousness

Oh to know the power of Your risen life
And to know You in Your sufferings
To become like You in Your death, my Lord
So with You to live and never die.

it's a struggle. esp when you are on the frontlines fighting the battle.. but no one ever said it was gonna be easy, right? being slapped and slammed front, back, left right, upside down! seriously.. this is suffering.
but never will it be greater than what Jesus went through for us. And im glad we have that comfort and that life, new life, in Him.
Its jsut a matter of receiving it by faith... soon soon, ill get there.

Im truly thankful for wonderful brothers and sisters You have sent to me to get through this ordeal.
Jean-for your advice that always brings me back to the Lord, and not on earthly wisdom (tt seriously screws up my mind)..for reminding me to forgive.. for being steadfast. always there.
and for being fair:)
Dilane and Nora- Im so glad we can have each other in this suffering, to pray and carry each other's burdens. With us praying for each other, we know that we can face the battle stronger at any one time... special friends!
michelle and phuiyee- i *heart* you for your trust in me. after ur exams we must catch up more okay! single sisterhood rawks!
princess- i know ure reading this! and its been a week since we spoke. but im remembering you. really miss you, its been 1 year! but thank you for being the one who will stay up all night with me. Smile hun :)

and for space monkeys *ERM*
haha mum and dad too!

not me, not why, but what can i learn? how can i do better for God and those He loves deeply...

2007-04-29T16:30:00.000Z

monday's dinner or smth.. i cant remember. "bah chor mee" - ill always remember the things tt are associated with it..
happy 21st my dearest darling. You're so beautiful inside and outside. You should really know that. We are praying real hard for ya! hang in there! *hugz*

I am Yours and You are mine

2007-04-27T19:49:00.000Z

It's not "why me? why this? how can you be so cruel?", but rather
"Who are you God?"
"What are you trying to teach me?"

I need to learn forgiveness, I need to choose each new day- Him.
I need to let my maker fill me.

There are so many things in this world I dont understand and i struggle to figure out.
there are a lot of people i care for, a lot of things i am passionate about. sometimes, these become stresses in themselves.
But i gotta remind myself, patience.
maybe not today, not tomorrow... but definately, someday...
Its not in my hands nor my capacity, to dictate the fate of events. If it were, id probably ruin people's lives. thats how uncapable I am, compared to the hands of God.

It is however, within my means to persevere in prayer.

Its God, I trust. In Him, i shall place my hope for tomorrow, and hope for this generation.
This LOVE, is all i need to cling onto for all my life.
My deepest desires, and needs are found in him. The person I am made to be is found in Him. I am complete...
The Lord is the answer to life.. to our world.

In the chaos, in the confusion, You are Sovereign still

HOPE

2007-04-25T22:43:00.000Z

Sisters
Our deliverance will Come
someday, someday.

Lord, help me to delight in you...

pray upon many stars

2007-04-22T20:42:00.000Z

"God is in everything, even in a kiss"- female lead in "Count of Monte Cristo"

dont get me wrong, Im not kissing anyone!
its just that, ever since I heard this quote.. Ive been intrigued. (thanks to mei mei who decided to turn on the TV at 1am)
God really is in EVERYTHING. in the smallest things, in the big things, everywhere! in our lives, all the time. and isnt that amazing? Cause we can call upon Him anytime, and he's there. He knows ALL, even better than we know ourselves, or of any situation. Most importantly, God loves us so much He wants to give us the best.

How marvellous it is, when He knows our hearts desires and is ready to grant them to us, when we place Him First. when we honour His name and delight in His commandments. of course then, His desires become our desires too, cause you're tt close.

the days are getting better and better, cause im finally learning to live as if He were living with me. like, you imagine Him being your other unseen flatmate. being in everything. more than that, he's LIVING in my heart... alive and burning...
there has been no greater joy than dwelling in his presence, trusting in His ways, and seeing Him answer my prayers. one by one..
and going out to serve him.

suddenly, even the smallest things seem so beautiful. the laughter on the kids face-getting up on a sat morning to teach them some action songs isnt a chore anymore. supermarket shopping alone is therapeutic..talking to strangers on the streets and knowing that their lives will be changed forever.. studying at home alone.. cooking for friends.drawing blood from patients and failing the first 3 times *bleahz* sleeping, waking. singing, everything.
its not lonely at all, its beautiful.
its not quiet at all, its a song of joy that resounds..24hours round the clock.

Hope. Hope.
it taught me to love more deeply and truly,
it changed me.

2007-04-22T20:35:00.000Z

Sunday- "Lord help US to find our way through the changes in Our lives."- thank you May for your notes :)
I cooked a healthy dinner! inspired by alithea's mum- celery and mince pork stir-fry, i added my fav iceberg lettuce and red peppers! nice nice but i think i undercooked the celery and added a wee bit too much oil. -sarah doesnt like oil-
saturday- Sing spoon pot luck. i forgot to take a photo before, but here's the left overs. haha. I made mee goreng with grandma's special sambal chilli:) and my secret recipe *tsk tsk*

2007-04-22T20:21:00.000Z

Friday evening- havent been to supermarket shopping yet (only went on sat, thanks raymond for taking me!).. so i basically had to live on dried stuff i already had. spinach noodles and LKM chilli.
so poor thing ... :(

"BURP", oops!

2007-04-22T20:11:00.000Z

A week ago, the sun was out and Glasgow was nice and warm. Unfortunately, the weather has reverted back to the normal grey and cold. its supposed to be spring argh! Anyway, we were walking home when we decided to take photos outside the Kelvingrove Art Gallery. the tulips they planted were so pretty!!

Honouring our Parents

2007-04-18T22:45:00.000Z

By the "twist of fate", this topic has been appearing and reappearing in my life.
Hey, I dont mention it in a scornful or bitter manner,
But it happens that ive been seeing and listening to the difficulties some of my friends go through.
The lengths they will go to keep to this principle- even if it means sacrificing something that costs them so so much. it hurts, a lot.

But they still do it.
Perhaps, in this modern day and age, youd think they are hen-pecked and over submissive and whatever... "we've got the freedom to choose man".. (most of us are blessed with very pampering backgrounds) uhuh, i dont disagree with this right...

But neither do i think, we should take our parents lightly and turn against the hands that raised us. I believe that as students and esp those who are still receiving their support, it is our responsibility to not neglect any disagreements they have about our lives.

Fair enough, some expectations are "unfair", some seem ridiculous. too imposing, too inhumane.
but i believe every parent loves his child. i dont know how much, i honestly dont, but i think ill find out in future. I believe every concern raised stems from pure love and care..i honestly, believe they want the best for us, and want us to be happy.

Maybe, its a matter of communication- of speaking to our parents in the love language they understand (it may not necessarily be the best we are at!), its matter about compromising on both sides, its about talking, serving, and breaking ice.. respect.

The Lord said,"Honour Your parents.."
He didnt mean it for peanuts.
sometimes, its hard, and we dont see any meaning behind anything...
it may seem stupid to you if youve never struggled.

But i know now, what it truly means to be unselfish and principled.
To respect the choices of our parents and not demand an instant obligatory "yes" to whatever we want in life.
Its about waiting on the Lord, waiting on them. its about wanting them to be happy as well
its assuring them that we are old enough to take care of ourselves... we may be kids in many ways...still. but we gotta grow up. we are safe. and no matter where we go in live, we'd never disown you, nor love you less. you hafta trust us.
If one day we ever do, may the hand of God be against us

In comparison to the friends ive been speaking with, Im a little peanut, indeed.
Perhaps, ive really been pampered a lot by my parents.
Im glad They are quite easy going in that sense..
But i know i can do better with some of my decisions, to honour them.

the amount of time and effort, not even mentioning the $$$ spent on me coming over here is tremendous. Im sorry ive failed you many times, but mummy and daddy, It is my greatest (2nd to God) honour and priviledge to be your daughter in this life... Thank You so much for everything.....

please be happy

2007-04-16T21:37:00.000Z

The sun will RISE again another day :)

We all have been so tired recently.. its term 3, exam season, everyone is mugging so hard.
poor thing. the lives of medics.. *tsk tsk* ams and i gave the yr 1s tuition today. 9 of them or smth, i cant rmb, i just rmb it being noisy cause they couldnt stop discussing among themselves- out of army boys. argh. of course there were only 1/2 exceptions who made good students. haha

family project to complete too. which i havent started on. been revising and neglecting tt dumb assignment. gotta start sometime SOON, girl!

if all goes as planned, im completing my training for my job this thurs and fri. which means i have to recover from this cold. drives me nuts- it really is bad to be sick and half awake, and have a constantly leaking nose, shivering under the covers... *bleahz*
aye, no luxuries of -non school- , home cooked food and TLC

this part of my life is called: becoming a big girl, on my own

2007-04-15T00:22:00.000Z

Carry me O Lord
My strength is exhausted

How to save a life

2007-04-13T19:46:00.000Z

sarah is studying in the SL on a Friday night.
and on saturday
and on sunday
BOO

and She eats 2 red gala apples a day.

and she is into STARs

2007-04-12T18:56:00.000Z

At 7pm, I found myself weak and devastated.
"some of our hardest struggles are those deep desires that go unmet - when no response comes from heaven for what seems like forever."- from my bestie all the way from perth.

2007-04-11T22:09:00.000Z

As i was walking to 20 Elie street for cell group this evening, i saw clouds that looked somewhat like this, only on a clearer and whiter sky. each cloud was orange and grey.
And this was what I heard, "In every circumstance, there is always darkness, yet theres always light. In pain and uncertainty, theres always joy and hope. Mourning comes at night, but the dawn brings forth new hope."
Just as in Ecclesiastes, the prophet says that there is a time for everything.
Honestly, its so much easier said than done.
especially when the night comes every day.

At least, ive tasted whats good today- action group.
The joy of being able to share the gospel with a stranger, and know that God is with us every step of the way. Its amazing, how overwhelmed i can get just knowing that God loves that person so much. More than i can even imagine, its uncontainable, overflowing, and unconditional. It's intense, passionate, FAITHFUL, and everlasting.

I pray that more people will come to EXPERIENCE this love, and be so moved by it. May it not be some knowledge they'll know in their heads but something that will truly transform their being. May more and more come to immerse themselves in the work of the Lord, and in His presence. To surrender, and be saved.

"There's no one else I can turn to, except the person of Jesus. Everything I am and live for is found in Him. If He goes, Id rather not live anymore..." - Anonymous

Back in the Land

2007-04-09T21:10:00.000Z

I flew back to glasgow from singapore at the wee hours of saturday, arrived on saturday afternoon itself. The flight was quite alright, slept the most i ever did!
the weather has been alright, no heavy showers yet, occassional sunshine:) could be warmer:)
it feels the same, yet different. paradoxical. nothing has changed, the place, the people, the workload, it just seemed that i translocated from glasgow to singapore then back again. yet, my being feels different.

anyhow, life goes on, hectic. its studying all the way, and walking with my other half even more closely. quite intense, but im determined to live it out and fight it on- after all that, i want to be "right" for the sake of my other half, for myself and for those i love on this earth.

im reminded and constantly remind myself that in Christ, there is perfect love. That He who has died for me, though it cost him utmost agony- physically, emotionally, mentally..., loves me endlessly. has loved, loves, and will continue to do so. even till death do us part (well we dont part actually haha). everything that i have been looking for in life, lies in the person of Jesus. It is true, that when we turn our eyes upon Jesus, the things of this earth will grow strangely dim.

I recall the words of a good JC classmate who said, "Love is like a fountain, it regenerates. Like YOU said to me, it comes from above, a higher being and source". Indeed, it is only when we allow ourselves to be filled with the love of Christ, can we go on to serve others selflessly and steadfastly, in the name of true love.

And for your grace and love that has been poured out so abundantly in my life and through the lives of those you've sent, I am grateful and overwhelmed. Thank you.

"My soul is overhwhelmed with sorrow till the point of death, stay here and keep watch with me. .. Father, if it is possible, take this cup away from me. Yet not my will, but yours be done."
- Matthew 26:37-39

2007-04-06T14:22:00.000Z

Thank you dad and mom for giving me the opportunity to come home this easter, it was a really good time of rest in the Lord. Never regretted a single second:)
I will miss you guys a lot, till June, take care and God Bless us all always:)

"OHANA- means family, means no one will ever be left alone"

2007-04-05T04:08:00.000Z

Today, is Maundy Thursday.
As we gather together at services to commemorate the last supper, I Pray Lord Jesus that:
At GCCC, you'd bless the hands of those who are going to prepare the big dinner. May you be with them whatever they do, and allow them to experience the joy of serving you. I thank you for their passion and giftings, and their heart of service you and others.
Also, Lord, Be there with them. Your presence is what we seek most, and what we need to experience most.
As we are being remembered about your humility, let us not take it or granted, or treat it with this disdain, since You the Great King in all your splendor and authority made yourself NOTHING on this fallen world. But Lord, bring us a level deeper in the understanding of your love for us. Help us to see your passion, and your compassion, that even though we may never fully comprehend, we will be awed by that tip of the iceberg.
Thank You Lord, for Grace.

"Although power can force obedience,
only love can summon a response of love.
It is the only power ultimately capable of conquering the human heart"

Facing It

2007-04-03T19:04:00.000Z

typical day:

10/11am- Rise & Shine!
11am-1pm- QT or settling stuff or Mugging
1pm-6pm- mugging outside somewhere
6.30-8.30pm- Dance class at studioWu
9-10pm- Dinner at home
10-3am- Mugging
3-4am- Reading phillip yancey's "The Jesus I never Knew"

uhuh, i never really adjusted back to SG timings.
bang-bang-bang, non-stop revisions, half way through block 9 now! and i better be remembering all that stuff about neuro and the heart!

about that new book im reading- it was idle on my sister's desk and caught my eye during one stormy QT session. God knows why i started reading it.. heavy stuff...
been learning a lot, questioning a lot about my relationship with this person, Jesus...well it's been going on for the whole easter. mind-boggling, yet captivating. so much i want to share..but till i get it processed.

-this space was originally full of meaningful sentences, tt gradually turned into complaints and grudges- then oops! I realise the implications...and the stupidity of it all.
i think its bed time, sarah.

"Love has its own power,
the only power ultimately capable of conquering the human heart"

2007-04-01T02:59:00.000Z

Dear Lord,
it will be another 9 hours to the Guest service at GCCC.
A thought just came into my mind.
And i pray that you will bring more people to this service, people who have not heard your gospel before. And for those who have heard many times, may they come again, with a heart of willingness.
I pray that you will anoint the speaker with words that are from you, and you alone. May He speak forth truth into the lives of the people, and touch them deep inside. Let it not be just another sermon, but one that will bring conviction into hearts that are cold or even lukewarm.
I pray for the worship team and the cg that is preparing this, that Lord you help them come before you with a clean and pure heart, offering themselves to you as living sacrifices. May the songs they sing and the praises they shout come from within, and most importantly may it be pleasing to you.
Most importantly, I pray father, that your presence will go before them, that your Holy Spirit will lead the way, in fiery, passionate worship unto you. If you are there and take delight upon the fellowship, make your presence real to every single person, O God, such that every heart, wherever they may be in life, will walk out of that room, changed.
Be with them Lord, Be with us, we need You. Without you, we are nothing.

thank you father,
amen.

1 King 3

2007-03-31T16:01:00.000Z

At Gibeon, the Lord appeared to Solomon during the night in a dream, and God said, "Ask for whatever you want me to give you."

Solomon answered, "You have shown great kindness to your servant, my father David, because he was faithful to you and righteous and upright in heart. You have continued this great kindness to him and have given him a son to sit on his throne this very day.
Now, O Lord my God, you have made your servant King in place of my father David. But I am only a little child and do not know how to carry out my duties... So give your servant a discerning heart to govern your people and to distinguish between right and wrong. For who is able to govern this great people of yours?"

The Lord was pleased that Sol0mon had asked for this. So God said to him, "Since you have asked for this and not for long life or wealth for yourself, not have asked for the death of your enemies but for discernment in administering justice, I will do what you have asked.
i will give you a wise and discerning heart, so that there will never have been anyone like you, nor will there ever be.

Moreoever, I will give you what you have not asked for- both riches and honour- so that in your lifetime you will have no equal among kings. And if you walk in my ways and obey my statutes and commands as David your father did, I will give you a long life."

Prayers of faith can move the heavens

2007-03-29T13:13:00.000Z

Ive been extremely tired since i came back. it doesn end, does it? haha.
After 2 hours of dance class yesterday, I am extremely fatigued.
i need sleep, and an early morn to revise OSCEs before endrool murders me for wasting his time. there's so much work to complete! oh no!

-more random phot0s-

joel's back from brunei:) my happy extended family on sunday, grandma cooked:)
dad tried to put a hairband on for my 2nd "bro"- rocky! haha he looks awful in my pics cause of the flash, but he's such an adorable one. i want a puppy!
grandaunty and uncle are over from perth for a while. they might come over to glasgow this sept when they make their 2nd world tour. MAy.. :)
the wonderful food grandma cooks, again. home-made otah, deep fried tempura prawns, curry chicken and steamed fish! n some abalone soup thingy.. oh, i learnt how to cook chicken rice today! cooking is fun, if only i had more time, and more resources at glasgow:) nonetheless, ive got a nice kitchen and adequate ingredients, thank God:)

Random photos before I left Glasgow

2007-03-28T17:43:00.000Z

wednesday night, just before my SSM presentation, we had a cel group pot luck. eva and cat came over to make sushi. i looked so tired. it was an extremely stressful week. think i slept at 3am and woke at 6am to prepare. im glad its over!
i really like this creation
Jean's 22nd Birthday at "The Living Room"- so posh! my last night before i left for HOME:)
hope u liked the surprise:) May God be your rock, your refuge, and your strength.. always. Love.

2007-03-28T05:54:00.000Z

Psalm 51

(1-2) Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.
Wash away all my inquity
and cleanse me from my sin

(10-12) Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit,
to sustain me

(16-17) You do not delight in sacrifice, or
I would bring it;
You do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart,
O God, you will not despise.

Who am i to direct my life
to demand from my maker
who am i to judge my steps
and make right, what was wrong
who was i to call out to your name and demand answers
when it was me, who did wrong.
who let you down,
and those around me.
who am i to justify my transgressions or give excuses.
who am i?

still you, heard me when i was callin
you caught me when i was falling
and you told me who i am,
I am Yours.

So now, would you Lord direct my paths,
and make known to me what was previously unclear,
so no longer may i stumble
but grow to become more like You.

Stepping Out to Talk, a bit.

2007-03-26T16:20:00.000Z

Today, was the start of a new week. A chance to start afresh.
Woke up early, hoping to take a morning RUN. Unfortunately, Mr weather man was not friendly. Got up quite sleepy, got ready to meet my BIL and then i received a text saying he was ill. post-phoned till tomorrow- get well soon!

anyway, i decided to go out. i really wanted a break from home.
took the mrt to city hall, walked around Raffles city for about 1.5 hours? spent my esprit $100 voucher:), visited the opticians, caught up on what ive been missing out in the past 6 months.. then settled down in MOS to study. man, i felt like i was in JC.

ice milk tea- the only one i will ever drink, that is from MOS.
sat at one corner, single seater:) and took out PBL 8.5 ready to mug. brain injury.. cool stuff.
it was a fruitful session. focus as best as i could.
ocassionally would get distracted by people talking really loudly.
teenagers... and their love lives... seriously, kids, it's not a game.
and then, these older girls, uni prob, talking about their pre-marital sex lives. just beside me. grr
i wonder how it can be taken this lightly.
some girl commented that she doesnt believe in men, and wow, she really seemed so... tough. i was envious of that ability, but only for a moment...
can you love someone without believing in him?

anwyay, whatever, i think studying outside works for me. but i need to rmb a sweater.

oh, i shall post pictures of my baptism real soon. there are 80 of them, so i sugggest you go to facebook and view the entire album:) but my current thoughts?

I married the bestest man ever
and though he cant be with me right now, (which makes life sucks a bit)
ill look forward to the day we will be reunited again.

i just want to know, every single second and minute of my life, that He loves me so much, so deep, above anyone else.

oh, and i learnt something over the past week, too, that He, My jesus, loves those whom i love a lot, MUCH MORE than I ever will. who am i, i am but a human being..
I know, they are in safe hands, and they can be truly happy, and thats what matters most right?

randomness..

bhavani- ams little niece in luton, london! aint she sweet and adorable. i want her too! can couples please start having more kids, id babysit!

this is her pink doll house.. so sweet.. haha ams and i want 1 too. see- every girl has a fantasy of being a princess, just like in a fairy tale.

wedding dinner i attended with grandma the first monday i was back. argh. not the best place to be this time, haha. but anyway, decided to dress up for the fun of it. in my living room! after i came home, mei mei and i started some crazy photo whoring. i tried, to fly. tried. this is the 5th shot, and she got me in mid air! not bad eh- reminds me of one episode in ANTM. haha.

2007-03-25T14:40:00.000Z

"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the Lord;
trust in Him and He will do this:
He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,
the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.
Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him,
do not fret when men succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes."

-Psalm 37:4-7

Believe, and it shall be done...

2007-03-24T17:58:00.000Z

I dont really know what to say, or feel, so i decided to pick something fun and cheerful. I typed "rainbow" in google images and this was what i found! so cute:) I dont know how it relates to me exactly, but i think its happy:) And i hope all my loved ones are as well.
No more tears, nor bringing people down with my sadness, nor sulky faces or pouting! (though when i pout im usually laughin), SMILE.

2007-03-24T06:43:00.001Z

245pm- leaving for church now.
*********

2007-03-23T09:32:00.000Z

Saturday, 24th March 2007
3pm
Bedok Methodist Church, Singapore

Sarah's taking the plunge into the water.

"Bring me word of your unfailing love, because whatever is left of that heart, is trembling with fear. I trust you more than any."

My Person

2007-03-19T16:35:00.000Z

when we are happy

when we have nothing better to do

when work gets tougher and tougher

when someone insults us

when we are PMS-ing

when no one bothers enough to try understand

when we are miles apart

when the world seems to have grown too cold and unfamiliar...

Thank You Lord Jesus, for girl friends. For Ambika.

May you guide her unto your way, everlasting.

sarosea

2007-03-18T05:15:00.000Z

im home
i found a forever friends bear lying on my shelf.
http://www.--------.blogspot.com
i realised that the most earnest prayers made for me, was from a pre-believer...
those, really touched me, and made a beautiful difference in my life.
i frequently remember and thank God for you.

No one knows the future, we have hopes and desires, but no one knows. not yet.
Prayers, cries and pleas made in faith, may not be answered immediately..
Israel - 40 years in the desert
Moses- 40 days before he saw God
sarah- ??????

no one on earth knows, its true... so much speculation, so many diff testimonies from people who have been through, so many diff life stories. still, no one knows.

So, focus on the present, things that are more important and urgent at the moment..
with patience, prayer and peserverence, we shall see the Lord's glory, someday. blowing us off our feet. whether i get what i want or not, i shall be blown off my feet.
Lord, take me to an oasis...

The 3am nightmare

2007-03-13T13:24:00.000Z

2 Corinthians 4:16-18
16Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

This verse was placed on someone's heart since last week, specially for me.
Its been really difficult, thats all I can say.
Im still trying to constantly fix my eyes on what is unseen. Faith, Hope...
L___ ?

2007-03-12T13:40:00.000Z

Last friday, ambika came over and we had a girls night in. heh. we ordered chips and curry, chips and cheese and spicy chicken and veg and chicken tikka pakora! from 7 spices:) i know, its super unhealthy! haha, but i havent complained of being fat in ages, haha maybe cause there's no one to whine to. hmm anyway! we had a good night, tried to study, took crazy photos.. yup.

Jean has joined our league and im happie:) -hugz-

May the Lord conitnue to guide her and bless her so richly as she seeks Him.

" And you will find me when you seek me wth all your heart"- Jeremiah 29:12

2007-03-12T13:35:00.000Z

ambika's fantastic idea to contort and hide in the shelves. haha fortunately we all did it with ease.. just slidding the bum in. aka, we are not fat! haha

The Highest Praise!

2007-03-12T01:21:00.000Z

1.20am- sarah finished her essay:)
after critically appraising 6 journals at least and ramaging through many specialist texts. wee! The 2 names Sevoflurane and Propofol are gonna be constantly in my mind.
there's one more powerpoint presentation to go.. dear me.. public speaking!
Its been a good SSM. I quite like anaesthesiology:)

Today's sermon received good feedback from many people. I agree it was good and important for US young people and older, to understand. But it was nothing new to me, i guess.. cause ive been reminded by many many people before this. and i kinda knew where i was heading already.. But im thankful for the reinforcement of the idea that our FIRST and ULTiMATE love should be our dear GOD, when we are single, attached or married. its true that intimacy between a man and a woman can be such a beautiful thing... i think we know that. But outside the context of marriage, where "love" is flaunted about too easily.. and where relationships are so fragile.. intimacy isnt really at its best. too much risk of hurt and disappointments..
I guess, theres always a right time for everything, a right place too.
and when it happens, it shall be the best. so be hopeful,

and wait. I shall wait. cause i know its gonna be worth the price. no matter how painful and difficult, and even if the worse case scenario (MAB!) happens..i still shall perservere and wait....
all these tears that we cry, God collects them in a jar, and someday He shall pour it all out, as blessings..
I know.

"We'll sing an anthem of the highest Praise..."

The woman called R

2007-03-11T02:29:00.000Z

Totally knackered...
just came back from the cha chas' place.
230am!

nothing much, just had 2 quotes which i thought were well said.
Love is...
"when shit happens, you dont jump ship.."
"A conscious decision to love"
"Accepting the others flaws no matter how many or ugly and knowing the converse is true."

The cha chas' home just made me fall in love with cuddly soft toys and everything colourful, all over again! it sounds really kiddish, but i think it brings out the sunshine in me:) Its good to be happy when you really are, and not pretend to be when you're not. or worse, run away from reality. but when you're happy, BE happy to the fullest and let your light shine!
Thank you Jesus for assuring me that Your hands are the best place anyone can be, thank you for loving me wholeheartedly and faithfully:)

Abba father, do not forget my little prayers and wishes still, because they are still precious to me.. take them and make good things happen Lord..in your time..

Cortisol

2007-03-07T23:55:00.000Z

SSM essay on General Anaesthesia needs a lot of narrowing down, and a lot more work, plus, there's a big presentation to do by next wednesday.
training 830-1230 every morning-stabbing people and sucking their blood. when i would actually like to sleep in, no its a need since
The cold has gotten me. again. again.
worse, My friend, L, is back to haunt me.
not to forget, a whole lot of debris from...
of course my cortisol levels are on the rise...

remedy: a solid quiet time, just me and Him.

"In surrender I must give my every part, Lord receive the sacrifice of a broken heart"

The Cry

2007-03-04T23:25:00.000Z

Cry in My Heart- Starfield

There's a cry in my heart

For Your glory to fall

For Your presence to fill up my senses

There's a yearning again

A thirst for discipline

A hunger for things that are deeper

Could You take me beyond?

Could You carry me through?

If I open my heart?Could I go there with You?

For I've been here before

But I know there's still more

Oh, Lord, I need to know You

For what do I have If I don't have You, Jesus?

What in this life Could mean any more?

You are my rock

You are my glory

You are the lifter Of my head

Lifter of this head

The Sacrifice

2007-03-03T20:51:00.000Z

and the lift door closed, again.

so what is it that tramples this time? oh, a whole lot that words arent enough.

I hope, that the white rose, stays in full bloom. that its leaves shall be ever green, and its petals white as snow. even in the scorching heat and the drought, it shall stand and never wither. Purity always...

On a lighter note, listen to this:

http://www.myspace.com/davidchoimusic

"That girl" - introduced to me by the 2nd L! i really love that song, and that voice.

makes me regain interest in men who can write songs, sing and play the guitar or piano. hah!

My parents spoke with me today, it was one of the best conversations we had in years. mummy seemed to have so much to say, and awwww she was so supportive and affirmative. im really thankful for the prayers that they have made for us over the past 6 weeks. Thank you Lord Jesus for the blessings you've poured out onto our family over the past 3 years. You've showed us how much you love us, and how much you want all of us to come to have a deep relationship with you. thank you for reconciliation and ties that have been strengthened. thank you for the many miracles you've given us, when we thought it was a dead end- indeed you have the powers to do what man thinks is impossible. indeed, you have plans greater than we can ever perceive.

do continue to bind us together as one in your spirit, as some of us journey to different parts of the world. Keep them safe and close to you.

Thank you mummy and daddy for the endless faith you have in me, and the continuous prayers you make for those I care for. Thank you for your understanding and love for us. Your faith in the Lord has given me the strength to continue to hope in Him.

Today, I KNOW that the glory of the Lord WILL be revealed in time to come.

some random photos i found in "my received files"- cambodia mission trip last summer

Sky

2007-02-28T13:19:00.000Z

Is her name

when I see wee babies being delivered into this world, my heart always cries secretly. theres so much love i feel my mind and heart wants to give and life is so precious- they say. but i cant quite resolve that within me now.

The Fist

2007-02-27T00:18:00.000Z

Playgrounds- emtpty or with children everywhere, brings me back in time.

Today, i was walking back from gartnavel hospital, through Hyndland, and i passed the playground a few streets behind chancellor's. the sun was out, not too glaring, just bright enough. i saw the children playing so happily, so carefree, so joyful and i thought to myself,
"those were the days, free of pain and troubles.."

i remember what 5pm was like in singapore, when i was in primary school.
i would use to have tuition till 3, and ill study till then, and my siblings and i would beg mummy or grandma, to take us out to the park to cycle.

there was once, the roads outside my house had some renovation work going on. mummy told me not to cycle to the sandy area. but i, somehow, thought i would be fine and i went ahead cycling there. before i knew it, i was falling over my bike. i cut my knee really badly, it split opened revelaing flesh and loads of fresh, red blood. i remember crying so much, i didnt even feel that much pain. mummy took me back home, by my hand, and cleaned my wound.
today, the scar remains. its a sensitive spot, when touched, would send tinggling sensations down my leg..

ive always been a stubborn girl, even when i know i might possibly fall. i never thought the fall would be too hard.

i don't know what i think about falls anymore. i dont feel sad, i just don't feel.

i miss those days as a child. the irony- i always wanted to be 21, when i was 12. because i thought i could have everything i want if i were 21. i could be old and in control of my life, and be stable. and life should be stable.. settled.. maybe not. i guess, i was naive- i can never be in control of many things in my life though i try hard. too hard, sometimes. too stubborn sarah...
i don't own me.
maybe, just maybe and hopefully, 25. please?

The naughty little Ones

2007-02-24T18:11:00.000Z

a short one.

chinese school was fun! the kids were really really crazy- and im not exaggerating. ashley concluded that their parents have been feeding them too many CNY goodies, hence the glucose rush. class 1,2,3 were uncontrollable! usually, its just 3 boys who have some sort of attention defecit and are really rascals, but today, even the girls couldnt sit still. everyone was so naughty! joseph, vince and weiyao has to literally "hug" one/2 boys each to prevent them from running about. hilarious sight. at break, i had 5 boys running after me, thinking i was playing catching with them, i had them yelling names at me, and whacking my butt?!? after a while, i gave up n started playing with them. haha it was good fun! kids... they are just so innocent. their energy levels amaze me...

but the little one that made my day, was yvonne.
a seemingly quiet, yet playful girl; she sat beside me during class and tried to listen to joseph telling the parable of the paralytic. her first question was, "what's a phrase?"-uhuh, random! and then, she slowly warmed up and asked me," who's jesus?is jesus a girl?"- haha!
"so, Jesus died and rose again?"- pointing upwards.
" so, jesus is God, and all the others are false?"-- i said yes, with much conviction. she didnt doubt, she didnt question further. she just nodded.
"my cheeks are sore..."- i told her she could ask jesus to heal them, because He can do anything she asks for.
"so how can i talk to jesus?"- awwww.

my heart really was melted by her sweetness. her eyes were filled with wonder, and curiosity and innocence. it just makes me want to give her a great big cuddle and love her.
how sweet and beautiful children are.. so untainted by the vices and ugliness of this world. they ought to be chershed and loved so tenderly, and nurtured in the way of the Lord. I love kids:) i love them, they are so so so adorable and lovely!
i truly pray she will find her way to Christ when she grows older. and dear Lord, please heal her sore cheeks! and dear Lord, please take care of all the little ones and meet them in their little world.
Dear Lord, help us to receive your love like children, may it be the biggest love we will ever know.

Luke 18:16-17
" Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little children will never enter it."

Analgesics

2007-02-22T23:49:00.000Z

Poyi and i spent this morning at HDU. Pain management sister, Amanda taught us. she has 20 years of nursing experience and 9 months at this job. she's one of the most, prob the most, passionate, dedicated and professional nurses ive met. seriously, i take my hats off her. oh, and she's not one of those bully-junior doctors sorta person. to be honest, i havent heard much about it, nor seen it. maybe, maybe not.

so back to the pain rounds- mainly PCA management, epidurals, pain assesment, palliative care, oh and definately- back pain. its chronic and everywhere. the hospital where we were doesnt have an A&E,so there are hardly any acute pain patients. most of them in the HDU are post-op. and the ones we saw today happened to be CA patients. there were so many.

there was C. 28 years old, testicular teratoma,gone through chemotherapy. just had a left nephrotomy, and his notes said "poor prognosis". he was sleeping so we didnt see him, i just took a glance. he looks really young.
and M, 40s. cervical cancer gone out of hand. she has almost everything taken out of her. her mother, i dare not guess how old, called to ask how she was doing.
and the list goes on. most of them were on sky high doses of morphine and opiods, and complained of soreness everwhere.

u see them, immobile on their cribs, as if they were locked in. they look at you with sunken eyes that tell you they have been through an ordeal over the past few months. and they ask you "when will this end?". a malaysian SHO i met said to someone, "slowly but surely." i think he was struggling for words. i wonder if its something i would have said. it isnt right to give false hope, is it?

most of the time, i stood at the side and offered a smile and a hello, and a thank you. im still figuring out how to respond to people who are in this sort of agony, who are this helpless, who are.... vulnerable.
i dont want to say "it's gonna be okay" and walk away, because its not gonna be.
not when someone is dying.
i dont want to be overly emotional till it causes me to be irrationale.
but i want to be a human with a heart who will make a difference to someone who's going away.

not responding to vulnerability, gives a pain that no amount of morphine,( or fentanyl ) can relief.

this evening, i bumped into K, again. we started talking. the usual introductions. and somehow we talked about God. oh, because my name is sarah. that was alright till he offered to walk home together. (the weather is a good excuse). but he hopped on the SRC anyway. K was nice in my most humble and wise opinion. somewhat harmless but ure nv too sure. however, over friendly. either that, i was paranoid. and there was a period of awkward silence. i dun like that kinda vibes, cause i roughly know where its gonna lead. and my defences kicked in fast, i felt to vulnerable. not because i was afraid of physical harm, but of something else inside, i cant figure out what. and to be honest, i dont want it to matter.

times are just different now.

and it's been a really long day. night world.

The Answer(s)

2007-02-17T12:18:00.000Z

It started with the call. I wasn't really expecting it, to be honest. But it was good. CM said many things-jokes, casual stuff, snort-ed *oinK* even, but there was one thing CM said that made me realise...that everything was under Control. i had been anxious, and i did feel lost about everything. I felt that i was trying hard to make things better, to read people, to read the situation. But all i could see before me was a haze. my life had lacked clarity.

and to confess, i felt "unloved, unwanted, undesired."

That afternoon, i thought we were drowning on dry land. I poured it all out to God, because i didnt know where else i could go to. or rather, i didnt want to go anywhere.

That night, my answers came.

im truly thankful for the strength offered by CM, but there was something more than just it.

The Lord reinforced something valuable i needed, we all need to know.

Our core validation needs to come from God. Because no one can give us enough to fill those spaces inside, and there will always be spaces and questions we want answers to. and if we were looking to the wrong places to get all these, it makes things, relationships, our lives, really messsy..it hurts people we love, it hurts ourselves--There's a limit to what this world can offer.

"A woman once said, "I still feel useless. I am not a woman. I do not have a man. I have failed to captivate someone." The ache is real. but the verdict is false. Only God can tell you who you are. Only God can speak the answer you need to hear. In love, we can bring such joy and healing as we offer one another our strength and beauty. But our core validation has to come from God."- John eldredgem, captivating

and i believe the same goes for masculinity. a woman can offer him so much- be his ezer, his companion, his inspiration, but she cannot be the validation of his soul. we all need to take our question to Him.

i guess, this is one big lesson I have learnt over the years. You know, its hard to do so sometimes, because so many things in this world point us in other directions- our looks, being popular, being cool, being "accepted" by society, driving big cars, needing to portray an image of being "in", being powerful and smart, being in authority, being happy and loved, being seen as able to cope with everyting... all that... ive been there, some of them. really, and i know its so tempting sometimes. but all i can say at the end of these, is that its "fake". everyone is hiding behind a little mask. trying so hard to please, trying so hard to fill spaces and questions inside us.

and we are tired. so tired. and lonely.

no want likes to admit they are lonely, no want likes to admit that they have tried and failed, no one likes to admit they are struggling, no one likes to ask for love. no one likes to appear weak.

but there's nothing wrong in being who we were made to be.

i wish, we could be more sensitive to the needs of those around us, we could be accepting and embracing when someone asks for help. when someone indirectly asks for love- even when they try so hard to grasp our attention through silly things. I wish, we would all learn to be vulnerable, to ask for things we desperately need. to show we need love. maybe then, people would really be more joyful. Trust.

Ask Him. Because He is always there. If you believe that life and destiny have all been planned for, and He holds the key to all mysteries, then i guess the wisest thing to do is to turn to Him.

we bang our hopes on time, time will heal all wounds, time will change things, time will do this and that.... couldnt time be a device invented by man, inspired by God, to bring more order and structure into things? isnt time in His hands

This are what comfort me and bring me hope.That in Christ, who has loved us with an everlasting love, i have hope that my life can be better. even more so, the lives of people dear to me, can be better. i truly want that, and i take these to the Lord in prayer, everyday.

so ive decided to add 1 more item to my list of banned complaints:

1) "Im so sad...."

2) "Im growing fat!....."

3) "im unloved and unwanted and undesired..."- utter rubbish and any person would be able to oppose that, but do we really know? do we really believe? get to the core of it, believe and you shall see.

The sentimental Fool

2007-02-16T11:01:00.000Z

of late, ive not been sleeping well. im tired, but when i lay down to sleep, an entire truckload of thoughts just cross my mind. then i enter a world of strange dreams and surreal reality, where i feel im almost exsiting. and i meet people i know or hardly know and have encounters with them-which in real life if it did happen would bring me up to cloud 9. unfortunately, i wake up, realising its all my imagination, and it feels like ive never rested at all.

ive got a nice bed though. a nice room. I think its God's gift to me. a huge double bedroom with some hugh quality mattress, white cotton sheets with lace trimmings at the end. a thick and warm duvet. sheer white translucent curtains over white window panes. biege carpet floor. dark rosewood bedside drawers. a single white lily in a glass, at the window. u get the picture. It's a great comfort during this time. thank you...

clinics was cancelled. Frging consultant didnt show up. consultants. i had walked 45 min to the hospital. and now, i sit in the SL without the book i need. what a day, seriously..
i feel like waiting for lunch time, but then again, why wait when u know the invite might not come?

last night i prayed for 2 really sweet things, the 1st will be of no meaning if said. the 2nd goes something like this:
"Dear Lord, please snuggle up my loved ones with loads of warmth and tender love, just like you've kept me warm in my blanket. Because it's always nice to feel loved, and i want them to feel loved. i want them to be happy..."

im going home to sleep and get some TLC.

The repentence

2007-02-14T22:59:00.000Z

This part of my life is called: being walled in. to the desert. wanting to be romanced by Him. and Him alone.

it all began on the 21st of January 2007.

On that faithful day, like the prophecy in Hosea, this happened.

(3)"I will make her like a desert
turn her into a parched land,
and slay her with thirst."

(6)"Therefore i will block her path with thornbushes
I will wall her in so that she cannot find her way.
She will chase after lovers but not catch them;
she will look for them but not find them
Then she will say,
"I will go back to my husband as it is at first
for then I was better off than now."

(14)"therefore I am going to allure here'
I will lead her into the desert
and speak tenderly to her.
There I will give her back her vineyards
and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope."

(16)"In that day, declares the Lord,
"you will call me 'my husband', you will no longer call me
'my master.'"

(19)"I will bethroth you to me forever
I will bethroth you in righteousness and justice
in love and compassion
I will betroth you in faithfulness
and you will acknowledge the Lord."

this may seem like a really abstract concept to some.
in as best simple words can mean,
i believe that God, has really took me out of "lala land" suddenly, and place me in a dry and lonley desert place. and i believe, that as time unfolds, He will allure me, romance me, so passionately, so fiercely, that I, will no longer just know Him as my Father, my saviour, my King, my Lord, but "my husband", my lover". and if you, at this point are starting to think im "sick" or smth, then perhaps its time to stop thinking that romance, is simply about flowers, the opposite sex, yeah and sex, chocolates, EMO-ing, movies etc. Romance, is deep. its not a girl thing, fell0w brothers, its a human thing.

"Romance is the deepest thing in life.

It is deeper than reality."

- G.K. Chesterton

I believe, as a christian, Ive got a long way to go.

it is true, that I have given my heart-the most precious part of a woman, to many things. i have loved God. But is it enough? is it a single-hearted devotion? or have i been adulterous and unfaithful?

thus, the desert.

its a painful thing to have to go through. honestly, ive been struggling to accept the realities. Im a really stubborn kid, if u know me. yet, such a girl.. I even told God, "fine! if you want me to yourself, then i want you to myself as well! i dun care, i want to be jealous too. i want all the attention from you to myself.." haha i know, i know, its silly, and i dun mean it in a disrespectful way. but u get what i mean.

But i believe in hope. I believe that when ive survived that desert, whenever i do, i would, experience the greatest love of all. and i would, find life, in learning to love my God. not just a mere feeling, but a fierce, holy, passionate love.

so im holding on. i know its worth it.

day 1: God has an incredible sense of humour, its valentine's day. haha. some sunshine, some love from the cell. so far, its not too bad. i even got roses- its a sign of God's love for me through people. im thankful.

im a human-im scared "shit" sometimes (as ambika calls it), i feel so lonely ( a lie i need to resist), i feel so disappointed and unloved (the worst lie people should never believe), a myraid of emos. so i need the support, i confess. i need the prayers, we need your prayers- it changes lives, it does. i need the word- need to help myself on that. take it one step at a time- (good advice)

i need rest.

Thank You.

2007-02-12T21:17:00.000Z

one of our friend, rebecca decided to visit her old school, up in Perth. No, not aussie perth. but a city up north in scotland. Ommena borrowed rebecca's dad's car, and drove us up! 1.5 hours on the motorway.. quite good driving i must say, though we had a few hits and misses here and there. haha. thank God for hannah who was the co-pilot in the front seat. hannah was up from london for a couple of days, hence our mini reunion. it was good fun, for a no-pbl-saturday. initially i dragged myself outta bed at 830..plus it was absolutely freezing!..well, i guess i still got to go to perth afterall! But i was so sad when i saw the photos they took and dear sabiha said she kinda missed me! aye. oh, and after we retuned that afternoon, gordon, jean and i went to ASDA 24 to get groceries. i baked somemore when i came back that night- blueberry muffins with cinnamon crusts.

anyway, here's perth, enjoy:)

"i miss my doggy at home!"

2007-02-12T21:02:00.000Z

it was snowing really heavily as we drove up north scotland, wind, rain and slate too! we finally reached rebecca's boarding school- Glenalmond College! man, its so beautiful! the acres of land! there was a criquet coout, a tennis court, a large field, swimming pool, natural beauty! ooh. imagine studying here...oh we met this 14 yr old boy with his doggie-oscar. its a golden retriever like my rocky back home! it was soooo playful but i love him to bits. "little baby!!"we had a snow fight with tt boy and he refused to stop even when we were driivng off. arghhh. boys at that age.... really got on my nerves i must say. haha!

Perth, scotland, 10th February 2007

2007-02-12T20:52:00.000Z

Let it snow! let it snow! let it snow!
and wash all that doesnt know purity away

2007-02-12T20:46:00.000Z

2007-02-11T12:31:00.000Z

Baking Frenzy

2007-02-11T11:42:00.000Z

So, we decided to bake-as it was supposed to be good for our oestrogen-raging flat(s). on thursday afternoon, ambika and i went to partick morrison's to get all the stuff we needed, but we forgot to get more milk- didnt know we needed that much! thursday evening-cooked a really sumptious meal for 3: salmon Bhunah curry, fried chicken wings, bacon-lettuce-sweetcorn fried jap rice- forgot to take photos:(

Friday came, and our batch mates were supposed to have a sleep over at michelle kui's place. BUT BUT these bummers... decided to cancel it last minute cause they were toooo lazy and sleepy from coursework?!? what kind of reeason is that!!! anyway, the highly unsatisified ambika and i decided to make something good out of a friday evening- so we baked. no clubbing, no watching tv, no stoning , but productive refining of skills. blueberry muffins, chocolate chip muffins, fairy cupcakes, and more blueberry muffins with cinammon crusts! yummy!

2007-02-07T23:59:00.000Z

it's sub-zero here in glasgow! so cold...brrrr.. but thank God for the sun, still:)
i think life would be really horrible and depressing if it were raining and gloomy in this temperature, im not ready for it:( BUT its sunny! awesome sunrises at 7ish!

i walked 45 min to gartnavel hospital this morning. so long.. SSM (special study module) is starting on Monday, and Pain management (which is what 16 of us are doing) is based there. 45 min everyday?!? i dont need the gym anymore!heeh.

this weekend- is going to be smashing. it doesn matter if i dont get to go to the ball (cinderella story sigh. just that i dont have a fairy godmother)... ill go on a baking therapy like izzy stevens did, and ill go swimming (hopefully), and ill watch ugly Betty at rasti's, go shopping (maybe), do some crazy colouring with the mad babe, and ill be a good girl serving at chinese school.
Hmmp!!

*GRRRRRRR*

2007-02-06T21:30:00.000Z

The sun that brings light across the winter sky, every single day since.. is your sign of love for me- thank you Lord Jesus.

i remember, and hope to be reminded in the coming days
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything present your requests to God. And the grace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in christ Jesus."
- Philippians 4:6-7

2007-02-03T13:29:00.000Z

All around us, there is only one thing that is reflected.
life can be overwhelm-ing; expectations; hopes, dreams that seem so far;

we are never alone, till we let ourselves be.

2007-01-31T23:48:00.000Z

"Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I will not forget you. Love me and I may be forced to love you." - William Arthur Ward

from ambika

2007-01-31T23:39:00.000Z

2007-01-31T23:30:00.000Z

so ambika and ommena decided to come over for dinner since we havent seen om in 2 weeks. ambika was supposed to make pineapple thai rice and i had to do Thai green curry - lemon grass,basil leaves,crab stick, chicken thigh, leeks, mushrooms:) it was not too bad, i would say 8/10. can be better...

2007-01-30T01:30:00.000Z

oops. was looking blur. bimbimbab (is tt how u spell it?) was really nice! the sauce for it could have been improved, but i must say its a good first try:) loads of veg and just some meat:

around the world- Thailand is next:)

Around the world- Korea!

2007-01-30T01:14:00.000Z

Therapy~

2007-01-27T01:30:00.000Z

1st and foremost- I thank God for MY PINK ANGEL PRINCESS (you know who you are!!) who has written a 6000+ letter to me and its still not done! next in line is... SUE CHA CHA, my everlasting friend who's life encourages me to HOPE, and who's prayers i know will make a difference. not forgetting, MISS JEAN SOO (and i hope ud be happy when u read this!) for being a steadfast flatmate, always ready to listen to me and offer me.... oranges?

let me tell you what you can get me if u want to make me REALLY happy:
whenever you visit town, please get me a box of 8 mini cookies from "Millies"- i like white chocolate, cherry, triple chocolate, ginger, toffee popcorn, rainbow, strawberry chocolate. I dislike: peanut with chocolate, oatmeal and raisin, cranberry and white chocolate or any other berries with it.
if you;re broke, a muffin would be nice!- NO triple chocolate or blueberry please.
-this is comfort food a girl needs-

if you've got more money, you could sponsor a trip i make to "Accesorize" or "mango" or "zara". but obviously, you dont. unless you're my daddy-who actually might not sponsor me too,sigh. mummy is still the best.

did i mention?- i really like the prawn and chicken soup with spinach noodles thing i had for dinner. its really my cup of tea.that flat is my cup of tea.

i hate PBL esp when they are on the kidneys- BUT i feel psyched up to mug hard- so i can be the independent kick ass high flyer woman that everyone is scared of. there's nothing to achieve now anyway. i dont want to kill patients- that sounds more PC.

sigh. sigh. i need the gym to get some power pack arms and tummy. but im still sick.chronic cough.
for once, i appreciate my family doc who gives me antibiotics asap.

i remember watching the movie "Left behind" when i was 16- just before i sat for my Os. and i remember it was so sad. do u know how scary, and how terribly smashing it is to have to leave someone you love behind? and i dislike it when im being forced to. unless you tell me you're catching up. ohana- no one gets left behind.
it is not in sarah's dictionary and memory to leave someone she loves behind.

also, im into rainbows recently. i want rainbow cookies, rainbow icecream, rainbow earrings, rainbow tee shirts, rainbow belts... a real rainbow. all of which i have. None.

ive never realised sleeping was so nice till this week. i suddenly feel like ive finally understand 1/2 of what my sister is all about- i hope you;re reading this!

sigh. whats the point of going somewhere when you know half of them wont be there when you're back? im not satisfied with 4/5!

daddy! stop spelling it as YAP. its YUP.

oh, actually if you really wanna be a good friend and make me happy people, u dun have to spend money. please just PRAY. that means so much more to me than anything else. because i believe prayers, and i say SSSS.. make a whole lot of a difference, wun you agree with me?:)so ask me if you bother enough.

our hearts (n im speaking to all ladies) are the most important part of our entire being, please guard it with all your might.

oh! dont think i dunno where i got that extra 20 pound from. take it back or you'll find 6 tubs of B&Js outside your door.

they always say, "you're still so young..."i hate that cliche sometimes.. maybe cause i tend to be over eager about living life- and running a step ahead of myself, my youth.. maybe thats why i get into this much trouble.but ive learnt and i really agree.
im still so young. We are still so, so young. there's so much ahead of us. so many opportunities.. there;s no rush, isnt it? BUT having said that, life is short.
and you;ve only got one, on this earth.
Live it.

i shall end with this quote from Grey's Anatomy, "Pain is there for a reason...."
- God has His eternal purpose. And it is always the BEST for us. never to harm us, nor anyone, really..when we can finally embrace this, that we start to live.
- ill tell u why pain is needed in the human body when get to my special study module in feb.

love hurts, but its worth it. love hurts, only for a while.

2007-01-25T13:13:00.000Z

Jeremiah 29:11-13

"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord.

"PLans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You wil seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

"I will be found by you," declares the Lord,

"and I will bring you back from captivity."

Ouch

2007-01-24T02:22:00.000Z

a brand new start, indeed.
might possibly be the most trying year ive ever had, my family and my loved ones ever had.

did i mention? ive never felt so persecuted for my faith, in my entire 20 years living?

and it really strikes me hard- its worse when it comes from people you genuinely care for. *ouch ouch ouch*

BUT, on the contrary, i feel.. tougher..
i feel i want to be stronger.
shattered and dismayed, but undefeated.
"He who is in you is greater than he who is in this world."
never will be defeated, too bad.
because my Lord has already won the victory many many years ago..

BUT i was really pondering about what people think about God, and christianity.. or simply god.
see, maybe the idea of a god to some, is that he or she or it.. grants everything the seeker asks for. and that everything that comes out of this seeking and worshipping must be good, positive, in the interest of him/her.
On the contrary, christians are not spared the misery that normal people go through. No, we dont get rich overnight, we dont ace every single exams we sit for, and definately no, we dont always get hot guys and pretty girls and our other halfs falling right unto our laps. we dont always get what we want. and we feel pain, disappointment, anger, sadness.. just like a human would.

so, whats the difference then? what use is it in worshipping and following such a God? To me, Jesus Christ is my source of hope. He doesnt take away the pain that life brings, not all of it, but He carries me when im down, he walks with me, he shares my load. seriously, we all do know that life is never perfect for people right? by that i mean, people may seem to be happy and have everything, on the outside, but it doesnt mean no one is free from difficulties? honestly... truthfully.. dont you think everybody gets hit by that sadness and emptiness and exasperration, at least once in their lifetime?
we all need hope, dont we? we all need a love that never fails, never disappoints, always lasts forever..

perhaps, to some it seems like utter foolishness believing in a man, who died on a cross. who was crucified and hung on a tree- "isnt that the utmost sign of weakness and shame?" you may ask.. isnt that so foolish that our entire faith is centred upon a man who did this???

allow me to say, that this man hung and died, for He had love so great for this world, for us. he died for us. and the best part, is this.. He rose on the 3rd day, and is ressurected in heaven now. he conquered death on the cross- and gained victory over all others. Not weak, definately not weak at all. its not foolishness, its humility and power. Power.

im beginning to become more aware of the attitudes and thoughts of people towards the church and christ. shocking and painful sometimes to hear how misunderstooded we may be. yeah, maybe we had our wrongs as well... we as a church had not been united, been the most lovng and kind people to our neighbours.. in many ways, we have not done our best to be people that honour Him- so really, its hard to say that its their fault. we all need to work harder...

maybe they just dont know yet. maybe it takes a time.. maybe this, maybe that.
But we do know it is God's will for everyone to turn to Him. and He will always be with us even as we go and reach out..

its a great comfort at this point in time, trusting He is here with us.
the more difficult things get, the more i feel challenged to trust, and i hope you will too.

God is never too early, or too late, He is always on time.
But we gotta trust.. just trust.. and do our part by abiding in Him.
hard core resistance and obstacles will definately come. *ouch ouch* , let us not be naive, they will definately come. BUT they will not last forever. The Lord will deliver us to that promised land, that day.. you and i both will die for, will come.
You told me God is faithful, He is.
The day will come when we will be glorified.
dont stop reaching for it even though it seems far.
because what seems far may actually be just round the corner.

Take heart, our God Almighty is watching over us every step of the way.

Watching the sunrise from a Hill top

2007-01-04T16:29:00.000Z

-2007-

its a brand new start to things i always have been doing-sounds ironic. but what i mean is we all got a new chance, a new hope to do things we were always doing better; to live life as it should be, better.

i am currently in the midst of shifting to my new place @

Flat 1/1, 50 Carfrae Street, Yorkhill, Glasgow G3 8SS

and getting NTL broadband on the way:)- PLease God let it be soon!

school's starting next monday on the 8th of june- say hello to cardiology and respiratory medicine for Block 9. school has already begun for yr 3s and above and dentistry.

im rather excited about school. its prob gonna be quite hectic again, also considering tt i gotta walk a further distance to school now, but i do have hopes of doing better, working harder and all..

my first christmas away form home was an experience indeed- updates coming soon!
it was a myraid of emotions though- at certain points happy and really blissful, at some jealous and disappointed and bored. not having a permanent roof over my head meant having to shift places a couple of times, putting up at at friends place etc. i had wished for a more stable life in that sense, somewhere i can settle down and concentrate on other things in life. for a moment, i felt so envious of people who have their own homes here and their fellow tenants who have a permanent place to stay for the next 4/5 years.. andi wondered why i cant be as lucky as them. even people who havent bought flats and are renting seem to stay put wherever they are- but i guess, God always has betetr plans. Maybe, He wants me to be preapred for a life of a vagrant! haha.. IM serious! wells, i guess all these moving house experiences will come to good use in futuree..

lastly, ive resoluted to make fresh, beautiful changes to my lifestyle-known only to a special few:)heh i hope it works out. also waiting for an interview from NHS for a weekend part time phlebotomist job at Gartnavel hosp. pls pray for me if u could?thanks! hope everyone at home has a better year too. and i hope many more of us will either grow closer to God or come to accept Him as your personal saviour. we always need tt precious hope in our lives, dun we?

"As we start the new year, I thank you for a new begginning. A begginning where new things can happen and old things might take a change and the past not be forgotten but be remembered and help to remind us of things that have strengthen us and of things that have brought us down such that we may use these to help make us better people of your kingdom."- quoted from a humble one. God Bless You.